I Don't Understand.....again?Here i am writing again within less than a month. Hubby is clueless watching tv right in front of me while i write this. I know he loves me, is it that he's bored?
Its been a year since i found out he had some sort of emotional affair with a close friend of his. He made it seem so small, so pointless that I eventually gave in and decided to try and forget after all, i never found clear "i love yous" just pet names and so.
I went to visit my sister a month back, who just had a baby. He wasn't able to come cuz of work and i understood. So there I am visiting my family when i suddenly discover i'm pregnant, crazy scary feeling, then 3 days later i have a natural miscarriage at about 6 weeks. I decided not to tell him on the phone and would wait a week till i got back.
He was so sad and devastated. And what did i find today on his phone? Her new number, saved in his notes. Saved the day after i got back, the day after i told him i had a miscarriage. While i was in the other room?
Smart move, never would have thought to check his notes, great place to hide it. The degree of selfishness is incredible. To try and bring a child into this marriage, into this world now? Am i suppose to ignore the fact that he has a relationship every time i travel because he doesn't talk to her when i'm around?
I'm still young, I shouldn't have to put up with this, how could he become so bored so fast? I felt it, i did, when i was away and i came back and i had the feeling and i talked to him about it and he turned me down. Said i was being crazy. i felt it then disregarded my feelings, explained to myself that i was being hormonal because of the pregnancy.
Here i am now, drank my first birth control pill in 4 months, give myself time to think. But what is there to think about?