Ive Been Told Ive Been A Bit Too Harsh On Him.. What Do You Think?? (may Be A Little Long Sorry)

well this is my story. My husband and I started dating my sophmore year in college. i met him through a mutual friend which was a female and she was dating one of his bestfriends. Needless to say we all kinda grew up and went our ways with these men we had since college. I am now 28 and he is 30. we have been married for 6 years (shortly after i turned 22 and graduated) my husband didnt finish his degree program yet i urge him to go back since there is only 1 year left for him. needless to say i end up getting pregnant and my husband kinda never pursued college but constantly felt like i was the one that made all the money so he wanted to prove how much harder he can work so when i had the baby he would look like the one with all the money and th upperhand. (I am an accountant and he is a manager at Enterprise rent a car we both make good money even though i was bringing in a little more than him but in my opinion I guess work titles ment that much to him) i reassured him time and time again that he is the head of this house and that he is the provider of his family but he tried in so many ways to make me feel otherwise. FF my daughter is now 3 and this pass November, my husband confessed the most devistating news i ever had to endure. and he did it before thanksgiving (which my holidays was completely tarnished) as we was getting ready for bed he said " i have done something terrible and i want you to know that i love you and our daughter so much but i cant hide this from you any longer. I have been cheating on you for the past few months with this girl i met at my job and now she is telling me that we have a baby on the way"... immediately my mind went blank... it was as if i was a computer monitor and went into sleep mode. i began to shake as my mind began to register what he was saying. he began to beg me to speak to him, yell at him, show emotion , hit him or whatever made me feel good at the moment but at the time i was speechless and couldnt even deal with the situation i was too physically and mentally tired to even tackle this problem.. I turned around and cried my self to sleep asking God why me.. I have been nothing but good to this man.. i have supported him with whatever he wanted to do.. countless times i have stood up for him against even his own family, i cook i clean and take care of our daughter never demanding anything from him in return and this is how he shows his gratitude?? not only did he cheat on me but he also has a love child on the way.. for the next few days i was having crying spells (during my alone time) i was going to throw all my energy into work my daughter and thanksgiving dinner even though i was not in good spirits to cook better yet have company over that i had to entertain. He asked me for forgiviness everyday and said that i was being unfair for giving him the silent treatment and that he needed my forgiveness but i told him right now i need time to think and to be rational because right now i could just kill you and i know that is not the way to go about this. thanksgiving came and went and can i say it was hard to play "happy family" with sh***y news like that. after our out of town family left was when i began to dig into the problem. i asked him why did he do this and he said part of him really liked the girl (now a former employee) and she was just a good person to be around.he never thought it would get physical but they kissed once an the sexual tension was there since then.. he also said that he felt i was being a little stand offish towards him once i got my promotion at work (thats complete BS for one my promotion was a year BEFORE his affair so it doesnt even add up and i cant help my job's hectic hours and workload) he said that she's a little over two months pregnant and wants to keep the baby and i feel she is making the right choice.. (that hit me even harder than WHY he cheated..) I began brawling yet again and he tried to hug and console me.. I SNAPPED.. i said did you have any consideration about what youve done? dont you know you have to be there for that child now , that its not just our daughter anymore? i cant live with this.. this child has changed everything and how i feel about you.. I have no hate towards the child since it is a innocent person but in NO WAY am i going to help raise or be apart of a child i didnt have husband's child or not. I told him that he needed to find a place to stay because he couldnt live here anymore. He got angry at me and said that he doesnt want to leave his family and that he no longer sleeps with her and that he regrets the whole thing.. i told him ooh no you dont you arent getting off scott free buddy you mde your bed you lay in it.. you WILL take care of your child .. you WILL be apart of that baby's life and you WILL be apart of our daughters aswell but you WILL NOT have me. I want a divorce.. he began crying and saying i wasnt being fair. (i wasnt the one who cheated and got someone ELSE pregnant) so i told him he had to move out he claimed he had no where to go and i said well you have to move into the guest room (which is really our computer room with a futon) and that you have 30 days to find a place to stay... i then treated him like a roomate (no marital perks at all) but he began acting like superdad/husband.. at times i felt bad for him having to go through this but in no way will i let him think i condone this whole situation.. we did began to have little conversations and we wanted to continue with the plans we had for chistmas for the sake of our daughter... but then he began to have too much hope that we would mend this and sweep it under the rug..he was in our bed christmas eve night i got out of the shower walked in the room and there he was in just his robe and he thougth i was going to let him sleep with me.. i told him that this was not what we agreed on and just because we had a good day today (it was christmas eve and we took our daughter ice skating we actually had a great time) i was still in no way going to share a bed with him.. he was stubborn to not leave and i just stood there.. he finally must have got the hint that he wasnt welcome and left. after he left i began crying my eyes out because that night i really wanted to sleep with him but i knew it was only because i am so very depressed and lonely... FF it was the week of the time i told him he had to be out and he was too comfortable.. he was acting as if life was back to normal and i thought to myself is he crazy of something ?? like i looked in the rooms and saw no bags packed or anything so i decided we yet again needed to have another talk about this arrangement.. he was in the room playing with our daughter and he was trying to make me join in i was not trying to play around we needed to talk so he started to joke me in front of our daughter saying i was being sour and that mommy is a party pooper cause i didnt want to play (ok its one thing to want this to work but to use my daughter against me is wrong on so many levels) so i called my sister over to take my daughter to go play with her son for a while.. i first told him i didnt apprecaite him trying to play pefrect family when he knew this is a serious situation.. so i asked again DO YOU HAVE A PLACE TO GO? he was hesitant at first then he was like no i dont and i dont feel i should go rent somewhere where i am in our home and i help pay these bills (we split the bills evenly but i pay the morgtage so NO i am not leaving my home) so out of anger i said "WELL WHY DONT YOU GO LIVE WITH HER"? he says he hates the b***h because she went behind his back and got an abortion (apparently the girls boyfriend found out about her relations with my husband) and he said he told her he wanted nothing to do with her and what she did was unforgivable ( i was like he has some nerve) so she wants no part of him either. i asked when did you find his out and he said a few days ago. honeslty i didnt want to believe him nor did i want to make this CHANGE the way i felt.. i told him you STILL have the end of this week to find a place to stay because we need our seperation because i just cant deal with this whole thing.. so he ended up moving in with his brother.. apart of the seperation i agreed to go to marital counseling with him in hopes to reconcile with him yet i dont feel it will hlep me any.. my mind is made up and i stick to what i say (i wish my husband did the same with our vows).. its been 2 weeks and he has sceduled the appointment with the counselor an everything (i guess hes trying to show me how much he wants to fight for this marriage???) but i am SO SCARED and feel like i have been strong so far that counseling will make me confused and i will have to relive the horror again.. he called me yesterday excited for our first session coming up and i wish i could feel as hopeful as he does.. i dont want to stand him up by not showing up (even though i have consiplated this for a few days)but i am a woman of my word if i say i will attend i will..but i am afraid that he could have lied about the abortion and or that they arent over and he is just trying to earn his way back home or is he really trying to make us work?? i am trying to be strong for my daughter and she gets to see him on the weekends and it just crushes me that she has to go through this.. i NEVER imaged raising her in a single home.. i DO miss my husband but he has hurt me to the point that i could honeslty turn gay... i just dont know what to do???!!!
An Ep User An EP User
Jan 8, 2013