A Leopard Doesn't Change It's Spots!!

Here I go again, the nightmare is back for a 2nd time!

First time he cheated on me 20 years ago, I was that devastated that I slashed my wrists, stupid?? yes it was stupid and I guess I was trying to take the easy way out, to get rid of the pain that I feld in my heart! I never really understood what a broken heart was till that day when I found the photos and the love letters! My 2 children were only small then and I guess after a while I decided to give him a 2nd chance to prove himself worthy. After all, we're all human and we all make mistakes! How wrong was I!!! I forgave him but I never forgotten the hurt that I felt that day. The trust took many years to take effect and every time he went somewhere, I questioned him a thousand questions on his whereabouts. It was very hard but at the end I made amends with my inner self and bounced back to where I was before that fateful day. The best thing that came out of it, I became a stronger person and wouldn't take crap from anybody.

The signs were all there the 2nd time around, so I think it's only happened twice. All those memories from 20 years ago came flushing back into my mind but this time around, I'm older, wiser and a lot stronger to put up with his cheating ways. When I asked him if he's seeing someone else, he lied and still lies, and denied of any involvement with another woman so I made it my mission to find the proof that I needed to throw him out. I thought of a private investigator but they cost too much money so I did my own investigations and found too much proof. From sex videos to text messages and he still lied about it when I asked him. I felt my whole world crashing down a 2nd time but I'm a stronger person and handled it differently. He finally admitted it and his excuse was "the passion has gone"! What does he expect after 27 years of marriage, with 2 adult children and a full time job? A honeymoon every night? Yes I still feel the hurt but I feel nothing towards him at all. He has regrets but it's far too late and there are no more chances. Go and live your life with your "****" and see how your life turns out. His own kids hate him for what he has done and I'm being accused of poisoning their minds. They're adults and they can see what's happening, they don't need me to tell them. The gutless wonder has still NOT told his kids of this affair, why? Because he's a male with no balls! He has no respect for anyone but his ***** of a mother who made my life hell all these years.

This time round the decision wasn't hard to make to get rid of him. He got his marching orders and has left. Life is lonely but I'd rather be alone than wondering who's bed he was sleeping in when he wasn't home. I know I will rise to the top and I know that this experience has made me a stronger person. I also know another thing, that 99% of men are liars and I willl never trust another one again. I don't need a man to live my life to the fullest, all I need is strength and motivation which will built up in time. Also I'm a strong believer in karma and I believe that he and his "****" will get what they deserve one day and I hope I'm still around to see it!
An Ep User An EP User
5 Responses Jan 12, 2013

It's like you're telling my story. We'd been married over 30 years, and many years ago, he had an affair, and I forgave him. Now I am sitting here alone, when I learned he had another affair. I told him, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me. He has moved in with the new girlfriend, 17 years his junior. I don't want him back at all, but I can relate very much too lonely people. I am lonely. We were unable to have children. The new girlfriend has 2 daughters and a grandson. I am such a fool.....

You're not a fool at all! on the contrary, you're a strong, smart woman who knows how to get rid of trash, just like me! I know that loneliness is a horrible thing to happen to anyone, but I'd rather be lonely than sit at home, night after night wondering where he is and what he's doing! Most men are not very smart because if they were they wouldn't be cheating on us their wives! I'm starting to move on with my life and I can tell that there's a wonderful world out there that needs discovering! I saw my ex just today and he actually confessed to me that he misses me, well, it's far too late and there's no way in the world that I would ever take him back! I just feel sorry for ppl like him because they make these decisions when they're in "lust" and NOT in "love". I say good riddance to anyone who cheats on their partner, whether male or female. These ppl are weak and drew strength from US who put up with them all those years and once they become weak again, they try to find someone else to gain more strength. Judgement day will decide on their fate!! Take care and believe in yourself. We don't need these weak creatures to live our lives, we're better than them!!!

Brace yourself, sometimes I hurt people by being direct. You gave 27 years, and now you start a new chapter. Allow yourself 4 weeks to drink, cuss, be angry, a shut in, crying, self pity, asking god why he would allow this, heart ache! By leaning into the pain and really allowing yourself to mourn..... You will grow stronger. One side note, no phone calls to your kids only close friends. When you talk to your friends don't be selfish and use them like an emotional tissue. They will be there for you in your recovery if and when you talk it not 100% a out you and your pain. Hopefully by the 3rd week, you are all cried out and getting sick of your own pity party. At the home stretch 4th week stop yourself in your tracks from negative thoughts and affirmations. Start telling yourself that you are better than this, and you refuse to give this any more power or time. Be honest with yourself, his affairs WERE THE TIP OF THE ICEBURG of what was really wrong with him. 27 years, I am sure you have plenty to remember that was wrong with him. Morally and ethically he was flawed, and who would want that in their lives? Get counseling, get antidepressants, walk, ride your bike, exercise, take those vitamins, AND KEEP MOVING! You have to put your energy into the 2nd half of the best years of your life! Now that he's gone, you can do:_______? Fill in the blank. You will improve if IT IS YOUR WILL. No one can do it for you, just be willing everyday to live a life with purpose and courage. Life will present you with opportunities ..... Now take them!

wah!!!!!yahoo! You have become very matured laura!!!! I think you must have cried many nights before... and god has granted to you wisdom!!!!.When i hear you ladies, it make my resolve stronger to make my wife happy and be kind to you ladies!!!!! thank you!!!!

Thank you guys for the support! Why is it that I feel so alone? Part of me feels sorry for him and part of me hates him soooo much that I wish harm on him! I'm not a violent person but I feel and "eye for an eye" is appropriate in situations like these. I really want to meet this ***** and give her a piece of my mind but sometimes I feel, let it go and it'll get better once he leaves! I'm sick of drinking every night and when the bottle shop assistant knows you by your first name, then you know it's time to stop! I know I will stop and I know I will get on with my life but being with someone for so long, where do you start? I have these thoughts of "who is ever going to look at me when I'm older now and not the young pretty person that I once was?" I guess only time will tell and believe me, I'm not looking for anyone and I think it'll be a long time before I do! I know one thing, that loneliness is like a disease with a cure that only YOU can find. I'm so sorry for my whingeing but I feel putting everything down in writing is a lot easier than trying to explain to ppl how you really feel! Unless you have been in that situation, nobody knows how you feel! As I would say, "don't judge my actions until you walk in my shoes"!!!! I get the odd, get over it or move on as there's plenty of fish in the sea, but it's not as easy as many ppl think! I have so much to give and I have no one to give it to..... it's sad, I know but I guess time doesn't stop for anyone and I just have to find the strength to move on with my life. Yes I might look happy and chirpy on the outside but on the inside I'm in pieces and I hope that one day I find that "glue" that would make whole again!!!

Katie..you look at my story...you canpost a picture and I message you what I think!Like laura ...I tell what I honestly feel.

Good for you for being strong! You gave him a second chance, he has been through it all once before so he knew exactly what this round would look like, except he had the promise of being left if he did it again. I hate to use the phrase "once a cheater, always a cheater", but given my own circumstances I am beginning to believe it. I am so sorry to hear of your struggle, but you will be even stronger int he end.

Wow....best of luck to you in this new chapter of your life