Living A Life Of Fantasy

I am married under a year, met my now husband just months before we married. He was romantic, courteous, respectful, and a man of God..... until we got married. I have found texts, calls, Facebook messages, chat lines in call history, obsession with ****, and etc since that day. The thing that has me writing at 2:30 am is the sheer pain and shock I suffered from being 13 weeks pregnant and texting another woman that is telling me my "husband" has been visiting her at work, frequently contacting her, and the worst is she has been to our home with details about a certain picture that I had noticed turned face down one day when getting home from work. I'm so frazzled that I have no tears or feelings. Of course the best thing to do when dealing with a liar and a cheat is to leave. That's healthy logical advice. I think I'm writing to in some way vent to the world because I know when I bring this up to him that he will lie lie and lie some more. When someone cheats I'm not sure why but the one getting cheated on feels in some way responsible in which case I know its not but I cant help to feel all kinds of emotions from anger to hate to pain. I know I need to pray very hard to refocus myself since I'm hormonal, sick, and upset. I just wish I was dreaming right now but unfortunately its a reality that the husband that cooks, cleans, takes care of my 3 yr old better than his own dad, runs me bath water for when i get off work, kisses me and tells me he loves me every day is out making a fool of me on the internet in every store or gas station he goes to etc.
missunderstood84 missunderstood84
26-30, F
2 Responses Jan 15, 2013

I also have just caught my husband of 24 years involved with a much younger woman online. He has just revealed that this relationship started in November. He would actually sit on the couch, hiding hiw laptop screen while he typed to her.I knew things were not right as he would giggle like I never heard from him before. A few times I tried to catch him but he would always get off the screen quickly. One night I heard him moaning and saying oh baby. When I walked in he said his ginch was uncomfortable. I hid his laptop and he freaked out for a week. He told me that he would remove his passwords which he did. I checked the history for a while and it was all fine. After a while I stopped checking and I guess that he resumed his relationship. This week I caught him talking to her while I was in the next room. When I heard him say goodnight sweetie I freaked. He says it means nothing to him and he promises to stop. He hasn't been on his laptop but someone has been with him at all times. I love him and want to forgive him but am having a hard time believing that he will stop. He has so many hidden emails and passwords that I know he could start again and be harder to catch. He has agreed to go to marriage counseling so perhaps there's hope.

It is good to read your story as I don't feel so alone. Be strong and find someone to confide in.

I think sometimes some people will always cheat. It just hurts because I never cheated not once and you always feel like oh if I just did this or that etc but at the end of the day its the person whom is cheating that had the problem and even though we know that we still stay beating ourselves up over it

I absolutely understand how you feel. My husband is exactly the same. he comes home each day and greets me as if I was the love of his life but once he sits down at his computer or checks messages on his phone, he hides, hides, and gets defensive if I should ask questions. For me...after 5 years of hoping he would really change, I have realizeed that he doesn't want to change. He will just hide it better the next time around. I plan on getting myself stronger slowly and ending this. It just isn't worth it and wouldn't be healthy. I know I don't want to live in a lie of a life and one day wake up to him either leaving me because the flavor of the month makes him happier or one day discovering even more like he has a whole other family or life I never knew about.

That was my story, yours will be for you to decide. What can you stomach and live with but remember there is no right or wrong answer just what works for you. Take care and let me know if you need to talk.

I'm literally still grasping at reality even though I am extremely logical as a person and overly aware of the unhealthy relationship I'm in being hopeless every time I have tried to leave I end up having to return because of financial needs