I Can't Live W/out Him...

I know I'm going to sound so stupid to a lot of people...but have been a relationship 10 years now with a man that I love with all my heart! He has been cheating on me for a while now with escorts. So when I find out I confront him and he lies like always but I know the truth and yet my stupid self stays with him. I tell him please I want to be your only one and he tells me that I am, so I pretend like nothing...this has been going on since 2010. Here's my story and please forgive me if its boring and long but I honestly have no one to talk to...

I met my live in boyfriend in 2003, at the time I had been dating someone else but not serious. He walked into my workplace and our eyes met it's like we connected, anyways he asked for my help and then he would start calling me at work, he was very persistent. I asked him to please not call me anymore because I had a boyfriend. So he stopped and then we saw each other at a birthday party and that's where we actually connected. So, to make a long story short, when we started dating he ended up flirting with other women right in front of me, so I did the same and since then he told me that I was ***** and not to be trusted...in 2004, I became pregnant with his beautiful child. This upset him like crazy...I told him that he didn't need to be in their life that I will tell them that their dad had passed away, he would not hear of that. My pregnancy was the worst, when I had my contractions he dropped me off at the hospital and left...I was by myself until I called my mother to come. He nicknamed me BIATCH and would call me that right in front of his friends. I must stop and I will continue in a bit...he jst walked in...ok sorry about that. He has always told me that he could never love me like I would want him to because I showed him a side of me that will stick with him forever...so he will never tell me that he loves me nor will he show me in any way only one time when I finally was going to give up on us and that's when he held me so tight and told me that he loved me, so I believed him and that was the last time and that's been 2 years ago...I promise you that I'm not feeling sorry for myself because honestly I deserved every bit of it all because I left my first relationship and it hurt that person so much. Why can't I wake up and feel like I don't love him anymore? Sometimes I wish he would leave me and let me go on my way because I will never leave him...I know I'm stupid!!!
An Ep User An EP User
1 Response Jan 22, 2013

You poor thing. You're not stupid. You're in love and it sounds like you've been beaten down. For him to call you such disgusting names is despicable. I hope you can find the strength to walk away because you deserve much better than that. Please stay strong. I hope all works out for the best for you (hug)