Getting Married Was The Biggest Mistake Of My Life.I have been with my partner for 9 years, and have been married for little over a year. Three years ago, the day after we got engaged, I found out that he had had a once night stand with a friend's girlfriend. I found this out from a third party, but my partner denied it when I confronted him and it was only due to my relentless investigating that I discovered incriminating emails and texts that confirmed what I knew. I called the wedding off and became very low and depressed, but eventually I managed to forgive him and move forward. We got married a year and a half ago. Two months before out wedding anniversary I found texts and pictures on his phone. I confronted him but he denied that anything was going on. I knew he was lying and did not rest until I had discovered the truth for myself. At every turn and at every revelation he has lied and lied and lied. He has had so many opportunities to come clean but each time he lied.
I moved out and into a flat with a friend and cut all contact, but little by little he has been creeping back into my life. A particularly low point was our first wedding anniversary which should have been a day of joy and celebration but was, in fact, one of the worst days of my life. We now regularly see each other and have been to counselling. But I know in my heart of hearts that he will never change, not now. This is who he is. I cannot forgive him and I still lie awake at night crying and raging at the world. I've been prescribed anti-depressants and signed off work and I feel like I'm messing up every part of my life because of my grief over this. I don't know what to do. I hate him and I know we have no future, but I just can't seem to cut all contact.
What I hate the most is the humiliating and disrespectful way in which he, and all of his family and friends who KNEW about the four-month affair, behaved towards me and how I had to find everything out for myself without anyone once admitting what they had done. That the same person who, just over a year ago, swore in front of our family and friends, in front of GOD, that he would remain faithful to me forever, could behave in this way.... it sickens me. I feel so angry, all the time. I feel like I want to hurt him and make him suffer. I hate my life and see no way out of this darkness. I cannot trust anyone, it seems. I just wish that the first time, when he had that one night stand three years ago, I'd had the sense to walk away. Then I wouldn't have to go through all of this now. Getting married was the biggest mistake of my life.
Evangelline 26-30, F 5 Responses 0 Feb 17, 2013