Getting Married Was The Biggest Mistake Of My Life.

I have been with my partner for 9 years, and have been married for little over a year. Three years ago, the day after we got engaged, I found out that he had had a once night stand with a friend's girlfriend. I found this out from a third party, but my partner denied it when I confronted him and it was only due to my relentless investigating that I discovered incriminating emails and texts that confirmed what I knew. I called the wedding off and became very low and depressed, but eventually I managed to forgive him and move forward. We got married a year and a half ago. Two months before out wedding anniversary I found texts and pictures on his phone. I confronted him but he denied that anything was going on. I knew he was lying and did not rest until I had discovered the truth for myself. At every turn and at every revelation he has lied and lied and lied. He has had so many opportunities to come clean but each time he lied.

I moved out and into a flat with a friend and cut all contact, but little by little he has been creeping back into my life. A particularly low point was our first wedding anniversary which should have been a day of joy and celebration but was, in fact, one of the worst days of my life. We now regularly see each other and have been to counselling. But I know in my heart of hearts that he will never change, not now. This is who he is. I cannot forgive him and I still lie awake at night crying and raging at the world. I've been prescribed anti-depressants and signed off work and I feel like I'm messing up every part of my life because of my grief over this. I don't know what to do. I hate him and I know we have no future, but I just can't seem to cut all contact.

What I hate the most is the humiliating and disrespectful way in which he, and all of his family and friends who KNEW about the four-month affair, behaved towards me and how I had to find everything out for myself without anyone once admitting what they had done. That the same person who, just over a year ago, swore in front of our family and friends, in front of GOD, that he would remain faithful to me forever, could behave in this way.... it sickens me. I feel so angry, all the time. I feel like I want to hurt him and make him suffer. I hate my life and see no way out of this darkness. I cannot trust anyone, it seems. I just wish that the first time, when he had that one night stand three years ago, I'd had the sense to walk away. Then I wouldn't have to go through all of this now. Getting married was the biggest mistake of my life.
Evangelline Evangelline
26-30, F
5 Responses Feb 17, 2013

Evangelline - dont perservere where you know it will fail ! The last thing you want is to be 30 years down the road and still feel the same ! Get yourself another man! who you feel you may be able to trust. This is obviously the key thing for you and it will be impossible for you to love another until this is solved. If you wanna chat let me know. I am not a perve or a pedo, I am just trying to help from my experience. good luck - wez xx.

This is not healthy. I know how you feel. Both of you are not willing to let go but both of you want something different. You can love someone and not stay with them. I had back pain for twenty years, one day it was gone. I was glad it was gone but I felt funny when it was not there. But soon I got use to it not hurting. You are living on pain it has become a part of what you are use to. Life should be happy and full of joy. You are young still and you should be treated with respect, love and kindness. He went into a marriage with you with a lie. Seems he wants his cake and eat it too. This is not what marriage is about. The person you marry should have no one but you on their mind and heart. You should be the most important person in their life. You should mean so much to them that no one could ever come between you. Pain is there so you know something is wrong. Get rid of the pain and heal. Yes God can change hearts and make a way where there seems to be no way. But both of you would have to put yourselves into His hands and give Him your hearts. If you both can't do this then it is best to let go. Start over and find someone who will treat you the way you should be loved and cared for. Someone you can love and trust. Just my thoughts.

That is just awful! I have recently gotten married as well and we have been together for 8 years and you would think after all that time that you would truly know your partner....but in my case I found my husband cheating online and lieing lieing lieing is all he does lately! He just sees that your moving on by moving out on your own..... and men love a challenge so thats why he's slowly moving back into your life. If I were you I would forget him and become as confident and happy as you can be and that will be the ultimate thing to make him suffer!

What a fool HE is to treat his precious wife like that! My goodness....You should run as far away from him as possible! I have learnt from past relationships that men who lie and cheat ALWAYS lie and cheat. Dont believe their "sorrys" or their "I will never do it again"...or their "it meant nothing"..! It may seem harsh but you need to wipe your hands of him. You will meet someone who deserves and appreciates your commitment and you will look back and wonder why you wasted your tears over him. I wish you every ounce of courage and hope as you find a new path for yourself. ps: A book that helped me in a straight shooting kinda way is called "He's just not that into you". Its a #1 Best you can find it in any good book store. It will help Im sure!

How WRONG of this man to treat you like this. No one deserves to hurt and feel such pain, especially caused by another person they were once faithful to. I know you feel so lost and lonely now, but just try to smile. Life is too short to spend it so upset. You may not want anyone else now, (I sure as hell don't), but try to get some closure and promise yourself you HAVE to move forward with your life. The lies and deceit are never okay and you do not deserve it. I write in a journal to get my thoughts out everyday. I try to allow one time of the day to cry and call my mom and let it all out. Then I wipe my tears and smile because life is more than this pain. Try to stay positive. It will begin to get better and you will start to let go of this pain and anger soon enough. <3