Cheating Husbands


I have been with my husband for 5 yrs. But married for 4 yrs. in October. We have 2 beautiful girls together. But on July 14th my husband came home to me at 7:30 a.m. in the morning and told me that he had been thinking for awhile that maybe we should seperate. I asked him why? His response was, well I just think that your unhappy, and I don't want to stay with you, if all I do is make you unhappy. I told him that I was not unhappy with anything, and where was this coming from. He said that it seemed to him as if I had been unhappy for some months now. I burst into tears wondering why is this happening, and is this really happening. Well, he had been going to the pool hall that same day, came home and went to work. But the next day he said that he was leaving at 4p.m. and going to the pool hall. I found that very awkward. Well I knew that soemthing was wrong. I had a very gut renching feeling that he was cheatign on me. Well I called him on his lunch break which was at 2 a.m. I called him at 2:20 to 2:40 a.m. I called for 20 min.s straight with no response. Finally he picked up the phone, then he said to me: Stop F***ing calling me before you get me into trouble by my boss. He was lieing to me and I knew. It was very quiet and where he works is very noisey. But he has always picked up his phone, But I knew that night when he talked to me that he had done something that would tare me apart! The next day after he came hoe from work and went to sleep, I looked through his phone and found a number I hadn't seen before, and I also found txt messages. I called the number and it was a girl. I asked her why she had my husbands phone number. She said i dont know. I asked her why she is talking to my husband she said I don't know him. then she hung up on me. I went into the room and yelled at the top of my lungs and asked himwho she was and what did they do. He said nothing. I ran into the living room and screamed and cried. I said to myself. Why? why? why? why? what did I do to deserve this? He came and held me and said that I didn't do anything. I yelled at him and said don't touch me! I asked what had happened. He said that they had only kissed. I asked him again he said the same thing again. But later on that I asked him around 5p.m. He said that they had sex. The pain that I feel is the worst the pain in the world that anyone can feel. It is worse than having a loved one die. I have never felt such terrible pain all at once with such a mix of emotions that are unexplainable. I have dropped the subject to him, but I cannot ever forget what he has done to me.

whitetigerpetal whitetigerpetal
36 Responses Aug 25, 2008

i wondered if anyone else that had been cheated on felt that way my husband of 23 years cheated on me when i found out i just couldn believe it i was literally in shock i got so sick that i actually would throw up thinking about it. i didnt eat for almost 2 weeks seem as if the pain was as bad as when i lost my mom my heart literally hurt its been 3 weeks and i still have spells where i get so nervous i cant breath i found out on 11-06-2014 then she went to jail on 11-10-2014 i feel bad for thinking that its funny but i do. i got down and i prayed and i asked god to come in and help me and guide me through prayer and boy did he ever i prayed and the spirit of god filled me and i got so humble i asked god to give me the strength to make it through this valley i was in and to comfort me cause all the things that were running through my mind i kept wondering who it could be cause he wouldn tell me then a friend stopped by and mentioned that one of her old friends had moved back to town when she said that it was like a brick had hit me up side the head. as soon as she left i got my phone went to her name in my contacts and boom there it was the number i knew who she was i went and stuck my phone in front of his face and said you sorry bastard i know who she is i had so much anger i left with bad intentions of what i was gonna do to her but when i got to where she lived she had company probably a good thing cause i really dont know what i might have done to her well then off to jail she went she will be getting out on the 12th of december he says he has not talked to her but who knows if he hasnt she will probably show up at my house thinking i dont know its her and im hoping someone reads this cause if she shows up at my house i dont really know how i want to handle it my mother in law very good woman is afraid if touch her i will go to jail i dont know how im gonna react when i run up on her i really dont i live in a small town so i will defiantly run up on her i feel so bad for people that have went throuh what im going through it is almost unbearable

I felt the same way as you do. But for my children I forgive him even forgetting is difficult to do.

I am not going to say once a cheater always a cheater bc I dont know if I always believe that but you should always trust yourself and yout gut feeling. But as for dropping the subject I don't think thats a good idea I think you should talk about it and let him know that he did not get away with it and find out his reason for doing it to begin with. And honestly if he trys give excuses then you may what to rethink staying with him!

The same thing happened to me. It wont be the last, believe me. He'll do it again my heart goes out to you. Very painful. I left my cheating husband, and happy i did. Keeep going with your gut feeling. When he cheats lies follow.

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Thank You for sharing this. I too know this feeling. I found out back in February that my husband of almost 5 years, partner for 8 years, had been having an affair with my cousin. That at the time was living with us. To be honest, I never suspected it. One I never thought that he would do that, and ESPECIALLY with HER! The pain you feel from such betrayal is unspeakable. It's been four months, she's in prison (LOL) and things just aren't the same anymore between him and I. I still cry myself to sleep at night. My heart still aches. I hope that in time I can overcome all this, as well I hope that you too can move forward with your life. I hope most of all that in time, all woman/or men can find true love after such betrayal and hurt. Thank You again for sharing your story.

I am so sorry for your hurt, but that story brought me chills and sadness. That pain u felt, i know it was like someone taking the air u are breathing. Nobody expects to be blindsided like that. All we can do is ask why, and never get a truthful answer! I hope u made it through the hurt and pain.

i know that feeling girl! my husband commit same mistakes to me! but i realized that i need to move-on without him! he did it once and he did it for more!!!

Infidelity is one of the hardest things to go through, but I can testify that you CAN get through it. I spent the first year remembering every detail of what went on. I questioned my husband to the point where I could visualize what happened. It became a sad obsession. I searched for the person on facebook, twitter and was obsessed with her daily life. It's like I needed an explanation although none of it healed my heart. Year two was anger/hurt for me. I didn't know how to move forward. My biggest obstacle was myself. Anytime my husband looked at me I wondered if I measured up to the girl. Anytime we were intimate, I wondered if he was thinking of her. I felt like I could never be good enough again. I felt like the choice he made gave up whatever we could've been. Secretly, I didn't want to move forward. I didn't think it was fair that he could cause me so much pain but then win the best of me again. It's year three and I'm doing better. I'm doing better because my focus isn't on her or him but myself and God. The more I focus on the Lord, the more positive I am. I am redeveloping hobbies again and finding ways to be happy and enjoy myself. Forgiveness takes time, but it can happen. Keep your chin up!

I am going through all of these emotions now. I hope it ends soon

I have been married nearly 20-years. Husband is acting weird last couple of years and I found out tonight that he has multiple secret american express accounts with high balances. we've not been able to pay bills regularly lately which has been keeping me up late at night and making me sick. he's not home now, at midnight "on a call at work." I've caught him recently on dating websites and he now has a secret facebook account that he's not told me about with weird pictures of himself, female "likers" AND lies about his education past and more crap, like lying about his lifestyle, cars and never mentions he's married. HELP. I have no one to turn to, I am truely alone and have not confronted him with this knowledge yet. Plus, I am 10-1/2 years older than him. I should have known better, but we've been together over 20-years and I am proud of that, through thick and thin.

Also, he was obese when I met him, from 1992 until 2008 when he had to have gastric bypass surgery because doc told him he was going to die. We paid over 23K for that surgery out of his and MY pocket. Then, in 2010, he had a 'body lift' surgery cost about the same that his spoiling parents paid for, and we had to also pay an additional 6+K for.

I nursed him heavily through both these surgeries, no thanks from him. Now, I've put off going to doctors and dentists because we dont have enough money for bills, yet I find out from pulling a credit report on him he has MULTIPLE AX ACCOUNTS, secretly with high balances going back 10-years!

I'm about to have a nervous breakdown. I lost my 30-year job in 2009 and have nothing else to live for.

If you suspect that maybe your husband is cheating on you then you should call a private investigator to research into this private matter. Gather information on your husband, his previous background (about things he hasn't told you). If there is nothing on this, then you should just ask your husband honestly whether he'd cheated on you. I hope that you can get back with your husband and live happily as soon as possible. If not then you still have your children;- just get on with your life as normal and forget what casualties had happened to you.

We can learn to forgive people but it's hard to forget! I read many stories on here that deal with troubled marriages which is unfortunate but it also informs us that we aren't the only one's going through problems. I had a similar situation with my husband except it happened before we were married and the woman ended up pregnant. The hardest part of the situation was that she had the baby and we found out it was his. Things like these are hard to forget but we must learn how to forgive. If we don't learn how to forgive we won't be forgiven for our sins. I strongly believe that people can change so my best advice is to seek professional help and ask God to take control of your marriage. I hope everything works out for you and your relationship and I wish you nothing but happiness.

@finishstrong, how mature, *** for tat sex, what in the world is THAT going to solve, now they are both cheaters and whatever the issue was or is in the marriage remains unresolved. Too many men, whether they are husbands or boyfriends wake up everyday pretending to be happy in their roles as husbands or boyfriends and are secretly working on another relationship or trying to find another woman and once they have found that, then they lower the boom on their wives or girlfriends, once they are practically ready to walk out of the door for good. Wives and girlfriends are left in a stupor like WTF just happened to my life that I THOUGHT I had with this man? For that alone, at least some compassion should be given to women who have the rugs snatched out from under them and are left with their world shattered.

It is very unfair of you to generalize this to women. There are way more women cheating on their husbands than you think. Believe me I know because it happened to me, and I have been completely faithful through my entire 11 year relationship 6 yrs of which were spent married. Rugs are not only pulled from under the feet of women. It's amazing how often I read women making this kind of a statement.

Take a ****, turn his shirt inside out, and wipe your *** with it. Then turn it back and set it out for him to wear. He'll go around smelling **** all day and checking his shoes. You'll laugh your *** off and he'll never know! I knew this one woman that did that and I never forgot the story!

Take a ****, turn his shirt inside out, and wipe your *** with it. Then turn it back and set it out for him to wear. He'll go around smelling **** all day and checking his shoes. You'll laugh your *** off and he'll never know! I knew this one woman that did that and I never forgot the story!

where there any warning signs of this happening

Here's to finishstrong..... in my case my husband was with the "the neighbor next door"... It still hurts even though guys are ***** and do it all the time... not saying women are perfect but this world is pretty messed up when it comes to fairy tale relationships ;(

Snap out of it ladies ! Really how ironic is this whole topic. Men have been going this way for thousands of years, example David and Bethsheba, Julius Ceaser and Cleopatra and so many others John F. Kennedy, Jessie Jackson, Tony Parker, Michael Jordan, Kobe Bryant, Al Pacino, Michael Douglas, you get the point. The why me mentality is so lame. Women love these soap operas where there is a lot of bed hopping, they tend to like romance type movies where this unreal happy ever after B.S is put out and then they mix up the fairy tale with the real and then all of a sudden you are broke up because "your guy is giving it to the neighbor next door" or somebody else. Be proactive, make sure he knows if he gives it to somebody else that he is opening the door for you to have some outside also. Grow up, real life is about learning how to navigate change and not lose who you are and where you are going. This emotional response is so useless. If necessary go out and get yourself some outside and chalk it up as even. But if there is more good in your marriage than bad keep it, if it is the other way, let it go. It is really that simple.

Thank you. I couldnt agree more get the hell off your soapbox and leave.

wow not good are you still with him?id beat her *** then id beat his noone deservs that espesialy when they have done nuffing to deserv it why cant men keep it in there pants discusting wpres than doys for controlling there selfs woman do it aswell but men are wores so full of **** it makes me so angry i hope you can get throught this u deserv and can do so much better

I feel your pain my husband has had 4 affairs that I know about. They ALWAYS LIE and even when they do decide to tell you the truth they will ALWAYS leave things out. They think they are sparing your feelings but in reality they make things more complicated. The gut wrenching heart breaking pain from being betrayed is by far the worst experiences I've had to deal with. I caught my husband a month ago so the wounds are still VERY fresh, all I do is think about it I dwell on it! I wish I could tell you that things will get easier over time but that would be a lie. It does become easier to put your emotions aside over time and save your break downs for times that are appropriate. But you will NEVER forget or ever truly trust the cheater ever again.

And you stayed why....

As you see by my screen name I have been where you are. And if anyone can find a way to take away the pain it would be one heck of a cure. I hate that we have to go through this. Everyday that passes the pain gets a little less, if you focus really hard on trying to forget it. What I really hate is that we can't fall out of love as quickly as we fall in. I always wanted to have a daughter but I am so glad that I can no longer have children because this is a pain that I wouldn't wish on my enemy so the thought of bringing something in the world that is so precious to know that she would endure this agony at some point in her life is beyond cruel. Well continue to take one day at a time and promise that if you ever find that broken heart cure that you will share with us immediately. <br />
Take care.

men are just like that we are foolish to think we are the only ones for them i am going through the exact situation when i confronted him he lies - I wish he would just leave with the girl he is texting everyday 50 times a day and be honest with himself if I dont make him happy in any way well why doesnt he leave??? Tell me that why doesnt he just leave with that girl??

Why would he leave ?, if you know that he texts that girl 50 times a day why don't you make him leave?, he wants to have his cake & eat it...they all do.Most guys don't leave because they want to look like the perfect husband to their family,if you don't want this cheating liar in your life simply get rid of him. I have been on both sides,i was cheated on by a guy i lived with for 8 years,i later found out that although he said he was separated he was not!, he was infact house sitting for a friend,his wife & kids would visit during the day or he would "go home",then he would look after the friends house & ME at night time....i was MAD when i found out. However,i met a guy on line he is married,i am in a relationship but we like each other,he texts me 50 times + a day & emails etc....he will never leave his wife for all the reasons i quoted b4. His wife found my number & rang me,i lied to protect her,he has cheated b4...his wife knows of one extra marital relationship,there have been several spanning 18 years of their 30 year marriage...he is gutless & can't leave,he has children but adult children,he wants to be Mr Perfect to his family....i can't stop seeing him,i don't want him to leave his wife,i certainly do not want to live with this man...we deserve each other...i live with a man ..have done for 6 years. We both get what we want without breaking up our relationships..........some people just need that other person. Hw wont leave with that will have to throw him out,he will go but he will make you look like the guilty party...he is beyond reproach ..squeaky clean!. He may be seeing more than one other woman ! thats what they do,its the challenge..sorry guys but most men do it,the internet has made it easy to not even leave the house to meet people,shift workers FIFO workers the list is endless....This world is full of these people,not just men..women too. If he has that someone extra but still come home to you only YOU have the power to change that...tell him its over,he can screw who ever he likes,take the challenge away from him,see how long he lasts with the other woman or women,if its $$$$ keeping him there start putting $$$ aside for yourself....let him go pennyless to another woman,would she want him then ?.You can't follow him 24/7 set yourself free if you can't be with this man...let everyone close to you know what he is up to,keep your friends in the loop,gain support you will need it,laugh when he comes a cropper. Don't be a victim be in charge if he has cheated once he will do it again & again & again...don't sit back ...set him & more importantly yourself FREE.

he lady or ladies,i am man and know, may be some , instories thing seem to serious but believe me as a man , i know not in west, mostly all around the world it happened, that man not all but some are naturally romantic, and like some minor change flirting type thing,especially when they are bit old, are marriage had a long time,<br />
They need some excitement an adventure type thing, but its not a serious like thing, just a little bit unharmed change,might e talking etc and chit chat ok, so please dear ladies be relax and believe what i say:-)<br />
Not to e worry at all pls get some nice sleep, its just yours mind makes thing so big, relax calm down ,most men never leave there women pls

Its really hard to go through this kind of problems between husband and wife,.. No matter what happen we really need to be strong,..

I am sorry to hear this ....I hate when people specially men hurt women this way. I specially hate the lying part where they say nothing happen but if you keep asking, and asking, and asking they get irritated and they finally tell you the truth.......I will never get over my cheating partner..who i still live with even though I shouldn't ......I hate him but i live with him I don't understand myself.....

My friend, listen to onelostfrnd, there is a point there. Life must go on! You want to live your life on misery, wake up girl **** happens. Why waste your tears on someone who doesn't appreciate you? Come on, go out find some happiness, life is beautiful, the pain will soon pass. Good luck!

how long will this take to get better. I am on meds, seeing a counsler. and am still crying every day. He is has moved out for now, but I dont know what to do.He has cheated before and I just started to trust him and boom he did it again. we have been married 22 years. I have always treated him like a king and have loved him with all my heart. Now i dont care if i live or die. Please help me, my heart is broken.

I have been living with undying pain now for over a year too since I found out the truth. I have been with my husband for 23 years.

You have got to get angry and realize that this is his problem. It has been six years since my husband did this to me and that was the only way I have gotten through. Yes there are two people in a marriage but only one made the decision to be unfaithful and he is the one that has to make amends for his cheating and lying. Make him or get angry enough at him to let him go and stop taking the guilt for this on yourself. Start looking out for you.

I'm also in the same situation. My husband and I had been together for 23 years, married for 19 years. He cheated on me with a 17year old girl 9 years ago, at the time he was 38. Although my gut feelings were telling me he was cheating, he was such a good lair he made me believe I was the crazy one until the day this 17 year old girl decided to come to our home with her parents to tell me she was having an affair with my husband. You cannot imagine how I felt that day!! I gave my husband the choice to go off with the girl but he chose to stay with me to work things out. I have always been very busy doing everything for our 2 kids and taking care of the house and so much more so never really chased after the evidence of his continuing infidelity. 9 years on, I find he's still with this girl who is now 26 years.

I only found this out after we separated because his behaviour had changed so much in the past year and I was just finding it impossible to live with him. When he moved out, he moved straight in with the girl and that's how I found out. He then lies and says he only started seeing her again after we separated. He moved out end of June and I found out within a week where he had moved to. How very convenient that this girl from all that time ago was still available, single, and also he knew where to find her.

During the past 9 years when I have had that feeling of being cheated on and I have asked him point blank are you still seeing that girl, he would always say "no, I don't even know where she is". the funny thing is that they worked together so how doesn't he know where she was.

I even found out that at some point when he got transferred to a location about 1.5 hour drive away, he took the girl with him. This girl lives 5mins from our home which makes me so sick in the stomach.

I'm also having counselling and I find it has helped but no one can really make that pain go away, I find talking to friends who've been through similar situations helps a lot, perhaps even more than counselling as you know what they say is for real because they've been there.

I was so hear broken when he left and like you I didn't want to get out of bed or do anything for 2 weeks, but I had to pull myself together for my son's sake as he's only 11 so relies on me a lot.

I am getting better but I know it's a long road so please take each day at a time, that's what I'm doing. I'm also finding that the love that I have for him is dying down, when I see him on Sundays (he comes to see the kids), I don't feel the yearning for him as much. I hate the fact that my kids don't have their father living with them any more and I'm still trying to find a way to compensate, without too much bribary.

I use to want to have my husband back so desperately even after what he's done, before he moved out I asked him if we could sit and talk about it, but he refused and said he didn't want to be with me any more and hasn't loved me for a few years. That hurts more than anything in this world and I wonder why he hadn't said anything and was just using me in every sense of the word. I don't have the feeling of wanting him back any more.

Lastly I don't know if you have faith, but if you do, it's a good thing, just hold onto it, I pray a lot and in many ways it distracts me from my worries. I believe God does things for a reason, even though we may not see it just yet, one day it will all become clear.

In time, it shall all come to pass. Take care of yourself.

The pain is awful but nothing is forever. Going to sleep crying waking up crying, been there,<br />
It will pass.

I have been married for 11 years and have caught my husband being decietful with other women (chat lines etc..), I have always taken him back and given him my trust (well 95% of it), and believe him every time he says he wont do it again and hes sooo sorry....Well for atleast the 5th time in 11 years, I caught him texting an old ex girlfriend that he promised he wouldnt talk to again (she lives out of state), after confronting him and asking to see the phone bill, he has continually denied me access to our bill, and has not come home since (36 hrs ago), i have no idea where he is, i can only assume the worst. I have never actually caught him or foun evidence that he had "relations" with any of them, but he has sure tried to find otherwoman alot. I'm not sure why I still stay, but I do, and I still love and adore the friendship and utmost intamicy we share.... time does seem to heal the pain, but its impossible to forget.......<br />
Its sad that so many of us women have this devestating crisis in common :(<br />
Keep your head up and only YOU know whats right for you and your family!

My ex was like yours constantly flirted and had girlfriends. He is a sex addict and they cannot change. The best thing to do is get away from him. Sorry, but he will continue to break your heart.

I know the feeling and u are not supposed to forget, even if u forgive him u never forget so learn from this and keep site on what is going on with ur husband, so u will know the signs of him trying to make time for anyone else again. i am in somewhat the same situation right now so i know what u are going through. stay strong.

Our story seems to be similiar. I have no idea how to get past the pain. I agree-the pain is undiscribabe. My hasband tells me that he didn't think i would hurt so bad over what he'd done. I said well what the heck did you think I would feel. I struggle to get myself out of bed! We had a pretty descent marriage so why would he go and make this course for us. How do you deal with your pain. It seems like it is the only thing present in my life is this affair and pain. How does one move on from this?

oh my reading your post sounds like you are in my head. For a year now I am still learning the truth........I too struggle to get out of bed, maintain my job and care for my kids. I try terribly not to let the outside world know. The affair and the pain is all consuming except that I can say with shame that I desperately want revenge, revenge will only come back to hurt my family. Please tell me how yo umove on .......... Where are you located I am in PA.

U should not use anyones name. Maybe your husband lies and you are hurting someone. Dangerous ground

Names should not be listed. Shame!!

I have gone through your miserable story. I can fell the pain within me. But, the show must go on because life is the greatest gift of all. Actually, we think that we cannot live without the special person. But have you ever thought that we came in the world alone and gotta go lone. Neither your husband nor your children would be their to escort you. So try finding the happy aspects of life..remember This world is so beautiful..the show must go on:)

You are not alone. There are many of us out here who have felt that same pain and still feel it. I don't know your situation, but it doesn't matter, cheating is cheating. You will have to decide if you want to save your marriage or not. The road ahead is a long and sometimes painful one for you. But with each day you will get stronger. Trust is a very beautiful thing and once broken, its very hard to get back, but it can be done in time. It has been almost a year since my husband cheated, and I still have trust issues. Maybe you could talk to a therapist to help you sort out your emotions and thoughts. Good Luck to you.

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