Trust Is No More

My name is Hannah, i'm 16 years old and I feel like i'm at the end of my rope.  It all started in November of 2010 when things really started going down

hill. It came to my knowledge that my dad was watching ****. I knew something was going on a little bit before but I found out on the way to a hockey

game. She was talking to my uncle on the phone and it was like she was acting like nothing was even wrong and it was like I wasn't even there. My

mom didn't try to keep it a secret anymore and I was stuck in the middle. I guess he had been doing it before they even got married which was around

10 years ago. She went on Internet sites that helped Wives cope with it and she wasn't doing well. Throughout this entire time I was conflicted, I knew

what **** was. But was it really worth ending a marriage over? I do agree that it's not okay when you're in a committed relationship and it should end

once you find a partner. My mom shut my dad out right away. I don't want to say that my mom doesn't have friends to talk too, but I guess I was just

there to vent too. I have to say though that I did want to know an extent of what was going on. Did I need to know that she had video taped it for proof?

No. But I did feel the need to know what they were. Were they together? She didn't even know at that point. 


I'm not going to write every single thing on here just because it would take about a year to write, so I'll stick with what I think is the most important. 

As the whole **** thing was going on my mom got rid of the computer, she got her own laptop with a password and she made me swear to never let

him use mine. During this time I was a sophomore in high school, I had to deal with enough drama at school. I didn't need more at home. It was

difficult to deal with everything and my grades were horrible. I had so much on my plate that I was self harming and suicide had crossed my mind

many times. I went to a therapist once a week and sometimes once every two weeks when she was booked. It wasn't and still isn't enough at this

point. 

So throughout the past 2 years it was constantly going from them hating each other, to kissing and being happy, to hating each other but still having

sex. Confusing, right? It would change daily and sometimes even hourly. It was horrible. I wouldn't say my dad was in denial but he always acted like

he had no idea why my mom was acting like she was.

I wasn't any better though because around him I acted like I had no idea.

There was one night where my mom didn't come home, she ended up sleeping in her car in the Walmart parking lot. She acted like nothing had even

happened when I got home. My dad went up north which was his place to go to get away. He seemed to go there a lot (I didn't blame him)

About 2 months ago my mom kicked my dad out. Why you ask? Not because of ****. Because he was texting and sending picture messages to some

girl. But not just any girl, his brothers wife's best friend. I had met her once because my little cousin and her son played baseball together. Messed up

right? My mom still told me everything and it wasn't pleasant. I guess there was another girl too but she told me I didn't want to know.

So now they're waiting for the divorce to go through.
They've had sex since the divorce papers were signed
He's had sex with different girls since the  papers were signed.
And I just found out tonight that my mom is having sexually relations with some guy that she went to highschool with.

She told me she would never even think about doing anything until the divorce was final and the marriage was over. 
I love my parents.
But I'm sick of being lied too and i'm sick of being in the middle.
My mom doesn't know I know about her and her "Fun Buddy" 
I went through her phone, which I know was wrong but I felt the need too.
I don't even understand why I'm shocked anymore. 
Can anyone give me advice or anything?
I'm only 16 and I don't want to be dealing with this. 
Please help me :'(

HannahBanaBoo HannahBanaBoo
18-21
May 5, 2012