The Pain Of It

i live day by day. well actually i merely exsist day by day. never knowing if il ever have a life of my own.the thort of ever having a relatinship wth a man could never happen,somone to love me, somone to hold me , take care of me ,just make me a cup of tea while im sitting on a chair relaxing with no childs vioce going constantely thru my head !it seems impossible. my mind is a constant overload in sorting thru my sons frustration. its like yr brain is forever being a mathmatition trying to work out what everthing is adding up to.in yr childs brain! my son is 8yrs old. he has high functioning autisum and in saying ths i no thngs could always be worst. but at the end of the day its all pain. ive been single since 2wks before he was born. iv never had any support as the rest of my family needed my help as well.my dad had cancer for 4 yrs n i lookd after him til the day he past on. my mother has bipolar and my brother ha s a drug addiction and for myself ,iv been figthing bulimia for 20 yrs n had anorexia for 6 yrs before bulimia. my sons farther has never help and is a very evil man who abused me and tormented me for many yrs. so for this moment telling a bit of my story i feel better. my exspectation still remains nothing and im still goin to exsist for the. sack of my son. but merely exsisting in my life as a person.
painofit painofit
41-45, F
5 Responses Jul 15, 2010

As long as people have an idea that this has noting to do with the lack of learning , its expressing there feelings and emotions.I am pleased that you have found some one who can experience the wonders and gift your son has in store for the two of you. Good luck with that Kayblue.<br />
Pain of it, I haven't heard from you in a long time. I hope that you are doing well and things have improved.

thats an understatement, you will also find that our children are quite gifted in so many ways too

Ashbergers runs along the same line of the spectrum, but your child is able to talk and comunicate.<br />
Its a nice idea witht he support groups, but some times one on one really helps as well

The best thing I ever did was get involved with a Support Group.<br />
We have Margarita Moms here in Nashville and more than talk about our problems, we all go there to escape.<br />
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It's never day by day, but moment by moment.<br />
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You are not alone. Feel free to pm me. My 15 y/o son was just diagnoses with Aspergers, but it's been a struggle from day one with his ADD, ODD, BIPOLAR AND PTSD...<br />
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God Bless. <br />
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Big Hug too!

Pain, I am a father of an Autistic child as well and I can truly relate to what you are talking about, but I am also here to tell you that there is hope, your son will do thing that will truly amaze you and he will learn to talk, not like you and I do, but he will communicate. I want you to do yourself a favor, seeings where I have an understanding on how an austistic child thinks, let him type on a computer, allow him to learn and he will learn fast, I promise you within a year or so, he will be able to blow your mind away with stories and wonderful things that are locked up inside of him. I know this because my daughter had done that. If you want to talk more about this, please come tyalk with me ok?