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Tristan

Tristan is my 8 year old son and he is diagnosed PDD-NOS. This is a diagnosis on the spectrum. He also has ADHD, disgraphia, and mood issues. When Tristan was a baby he was delayed in his major milestones like sitting up by himself, crawling, walking, and talking. He would gesture for things he wanted and would get very angry when things were not the way he wanted. He went through a period where he would throw his trains because they were not working how he wanted them to.

I had asked my friends and family what they thought about Tristan's delays. Tristan is my second child so many people said "Relax, he is the second child. He is letting his big brother do for him." And so I left it at that. Then there was a period of time that I was not in his life consistantly and during this time his grandmother was caring for him and his brother and sister. Tristan continued to be difficult, trying, and delayed. Grandma says she tried to get him help but no one would listen to her.

Soon after Tristan began to attend Headstart he, his brother, and sister came back to me. Tristan continued to attend his daycare while in Headstart.There were many transitions for Tristan at this time. He had a very tough time with all of them especially the transition from Headstart to daycare. I was called many times to pick him up for misbehaving at daycare. Tristan spent two years in Headstart. The teacher there suggested that I have him tested. The developmental pediatritan I took him to found nothing that would indicate anything. She said that he may have ADHD but since he was not in structured education yet (Kindergarten) she could not tell for sure. 

So with no formal diagnonsis of anything, but realizing that my son with have an extremely difficult time in kindergarten I called the school's child study team. They were not helpful at all. They said I would have to wait until he was enrolled and then they would see how he was once school started. Anyway, it wasnt until the second month of first grade that the school had really noticed his issues and brought them to my attention. After that I took him to be evealuated again but this time I took him to a new developmental pediatritan. Here is where he was evaluated for ASD and other forms of diagnosis that might explain his behavior.

That was a year ago. We have done what we can to create an IEP for him and to help the school with being consistant at home but I think they are doing it all wrong. He is in a class with a teacher and an aid and only 14 students. I placed him in that school because I thought they would be able to provide him with the best attention. The school was actually a very poor choice because they have not followed his IEP, and his teacher hadn't even read it for the first five months of being his teacher.

I see such a wonderful child under all that frustration and anger and I want to help him come out of that hidden place. I wish I knew the right thing to do for him. It just hit me in the last month that he is going to be different forever. I feel like I damaged him in some way and I am so sad about that. I have been considering home schooling. I know he needs socialization but he also needs one-on-one attention to help him do his work even if it is simply to help him understand the directions. The teachers say they really can't give that to him. 

My fiance and I have five other children, six in total. Tristan gets a lot of socialization with them, and I have been thinking of classes he can take to have extra socialization. I just want to take all of the right steps for him, but I don't know what they are.

Thank you for taking time to read my story about my wonderful son. If there is any advice on how to find support groups and overcome my social anxiety so I can better help him please share.

Vanessa
LadyCornier LadyCornier 31-35, F 2 Responses Apr 26, 2011

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Thank you for your comment. It helps knowing other people feel frustrated with this adjustment too.

hi, <br />
Don't give up. I am not much of a resource researcher. so when when my son got a dianose (label). I did what we all do, ask for advise from evryone. well it was hard and after finding myself in tears feeling helples and guilty for not being able or knowing how to do better. or how to help him more . i decides to just listen to his cues. i started to look at everything through his eyes. and i realized I had to change some of me to understan him. Not easy. The other thing take time out for youself. even if it is 15 minutes to breath and gather your thought. i am from texas here they offer traing classed from our school district. <br />
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like i said i am not much of a resource researcher but i was directed to a site called autism speaks. there arealso specialized schools if you are able. <br />
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I am sure he is an awsome little boy and the best thing you can do is love him. You are doing your best. And you are an awsome mom don't forget it. Sometimes we have to go a d ay at a time sometimes hour by hour I have gone minute by minute. its easer. I hope I can help. I will have you and your family in my prayer