Now, Mommy...C'mon.

It took me a while to figure this out, what my 4 year old daughter was conveying to me. You see, she cannot and probably will not ever be able to articulate this, but her intuition is phenomenal.

She is extremely visual. This we know. This is how she learns, and remembers things. It is all visual. But there is an underlying "knowing" that she can feel, but not express properly. This we did not know. I did not know, until today.

She spends the weekends with my ex-husband. Sometimes when he drops her off she kisses him and says good-bye, and immediately begins to talk to herself and play here at home. Other times, she panics, and cries when she arrives home. She will pace, and yell, and throw her coat on the floor, and it will take me an hour to calm her down. The hard part is, we never know. So sometimes we wave and blow kisses to him, and sometimes I am forced to shove him out the door prematurely, so as not to add to her distress. 

Today, although I thought I was doing a bang-up job of disguising it, I was extremely upset when she came home. I had had a shock and was hurt and well, not doing great. But I did what I always do...

"Hi! I missed you. Did you have fun at Daddy's?" 

Yeah. She wasn't having any of it. And that's when it hit me. She senses when I am upset. She follows me--won't let me out of her sight for a minute. She incessantly calls to me and talks to me, so as to keep the contact constant. She will "talk" to me about whatever pops into her head, in a desperate attempt to keep me engaged--not let me go. "I'm watching Wubbzy Mommy. I am eating crackers, Mommy. We need to buy more, Mommy." etc. She will shadow me and look for me if I try to "get away" even for a second.     

When she transitions well, on those good drop-off days, it is because she senses that all is okay here. It is clear to me now. My husband and I have been trying to figure this out for months, how to understand what is happening, and why sometimes she is okay, and other times not so much.

Now I know. I can't hide my inner feelings from her. She senses them on a different level, in a different way. Most children wouldn't notice. But nothing gets past her. It is a phenomenon---one that will serve her well as she matures. She will be able to gauge other people's feelings this way, not just by sight. It is a wonderful thing to be able to do. We should all be so blessed with that ability.

So tonight, when I ducked into the dining room for a moment to myself, cry a little, she wouldn't let me. She came after me and said, "Now, Mommy...c'mon".

That's pretty cool coming from a little kid who everyone said would always have social issues. She did what I didn't think anyone would be able to do for me today. She made me smile.  


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5 Responses Mar 1, 2009

It's amazing what my son remembers!! He can remember things from when he was three (he's twelve now) that I've completley forgotton about....

Sorry if I upset you NoraTrent, that was not my intent. Your story struck a chord with me and I felt I had to reply. I hope your daughter is able to use her intuitiveness to her advantage, it would make things so much easier for her as she grows up. It's an interesting observation though, maybe something you can work on with her?<br />
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Anyway, I'm glad to hear that you and your daughter are both having a good day today, enjoy it :)

yes, keep a good thought. you can & you can will it. I will be learning how to communicate with my nephew (Asperger Syndrome) by keeping good thoughts especially for my sister.

Interesting, my daughter is the same NoraTrent, she is very intuitive, She sometimes senses how I am feeling, and reacts to it before I am even aware of it myself. Like your child, she shadows me and talks endlessly, most of it meaningless chatter as you described.<br />
It's the only kind of conversation she will ever engage in -besides the melt downs when she yells and raves- but it is intensified if I am feeling disturbed in any way. No matter how well I try to hide it from her, she just knows.<br />
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She needs routine, anything that upsets the regular routine of her life sets her off. Sensing that something is bothering me is enough of an upset that she needs to feel some kind of a connection and she can't seem to let me out of her sight. Even now, puberty has reared it's ugly head and she hates me most of the time. She generally won't tolerate even being in the same room as me. The only civil conversation we have, meaningless as it may be, is when she senses that something is bothering me.<br />
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Unfortunately, this intuitiveness does not seem to be something she can do with other people, she has no concept of how to interact with other kids or the teachers at school. It's just at home with me that she displays this remarkable ability. She's very visual, like your daughter she is a visual based learner. I have always wondered if, after all the years she had to observe me, she has 'learned' me (better than I know myself sometimes)and can therefore tell if I am not feeling the same as usual.

Start reading up on Indigo, Crystal and Rainbow Children. You will be amazed when you do.