It's the Waiting That's the Killer

  On my birthday, two months later, my oldest son (23 then) came home with testicular cancer.  He was diagnosed as being in late second stage.  This was one case where 'the easiest to beat cancer there is' was NOT going to be easy to beat. It was a devastating blow, not just for him, but for everyone who loves him.  The next 7 months were a series of starts, stops, starts, stops, while consultations,  tests, surgeries, more tests etc. were done.  We had to drive all over our province to keep the various appointments, have tests, consultations with doctors, and on and on.  My son's immune system was already compromised and that caused  complications and  many delays. 

 Finally in January of this year, he received his radiation treatment.  Every day except weekends for 31 days.  Twenty minutes of discomfort and loss of dignity and the rest of the time, tired, no appetitie, boredom and waiting and waiting for the next round.   It will still be a month or so before the radiation works it's way out of his system.  But now they have found a tumour in his chest and the surgery in his groin has resulted in too much scar tissue forming around the nerves there.  Our last appointment with his urologist say another surgery on the scar tissue may be needed.  His oncologist says that he is facing chemo for the tumour because further radiation would further damage his now damaged liver and kidneys.

My son turned 24 in December.  He is on the threshold of the rest of his adult life.  He may or may not cross that threshold in good health.  But  we have faith he will cross, although with a damaged body and a constant fear for himself for the rest of his life. 

No parent raises their child to adulthood to face this kind of thing so young. People around me are blaming God for allowing this to happen to such a promising young man. I can't do that.  We are not immortal, we are humans to whom death is inevitable.  It tears out my heart that the spectre of death should come to my son so early in his life,  but I am thankful every day to God that cancer, if destined to come into my son's life, did not come when he was even younger, and that we both lived long enough to see him become the man he is.  I have faith that he will survive and go on to live many more years.  I live in hope, I believe in silver linings.  Every smile my son bestows on me, is just another silver edging to my life.