It's the Waiting That's the Killer

My husband and I recently  (June/07) moved across Provinces to begin a kid free life as our children were finally grown and out on their own.  It was a huge change for us.  We bought a house, began a total renovation and settled in for a long, hot, busy summer lliving in our RV while we rebuilt our dream home with our own hands. 

  On my birthday, two months later, my oldest son (23 then) came home with testicular cancer.  He was diagnosed as being in late second stage.  This was one case where 'the easiest to beat cancer there is' was NOT going to be easy to beat. It was a devastating blow, not just for him, but for everyone who loves him.  The next 7 months were a series of starts, stops, starts, stops, while consultations,  tests, surgeries, more tests etc. were done.  We had to drive all over our province to keep the various appointments, have tests, consultations with doctors, and on and on.  My son's immune system was already compromised and that caused  complications and  many delays. 

 Finally in January of this year, he received his radiation treatment.  Every day except weekends for 31 days.  Twenty minutes of discomfort and loss of dignity and the rest of the time, tired, no appetitie, boredom and waiting and waiting for the next round.   It will still be a month or so before the radiation works it's way out of his system.  But now they have found a tumour in his chest and the surgery in his groin has resulted in too much scar tissue forming around the nerves there.  Our last appointment with his urologist say another surgery on the scar tissue may be needed.  His oncologist says that he is facing chemo for the tumour because further radiation would further damage his now damaged liver and kidneys.

My son turned 24 in December.  He is on the threshold of the rest of his adult life.  He may or may not cross that threshold in good health.  But  we have faith he will cross, although with a damaged body and a constant fear for himself for the rest of his life. 

No parent raises their child to adulthood to face this kind of thing so young. People around me are blaming God for allowing this to happen to such a promising young man. I can't do that.  We are not immortal, we are humans to whom death is inevitable.  It tears out my heart that the spectre of death should come to my son so early in his life,  but I am thankful every day to God that cancer, if destined to come into my son's life, did not come when he was even younger, and that we both lived long enough to see him become the man he is.  I have faith that he will survive and go on to live many more years.  I live in hope, I believe in silver linings.  Every smile my son bestows on me, is just another silver edging to my life.


LoveandLaughter LoveandLaughter
56-60, F
17 Responses Feb 22, 2008

my heart bleeds to read this. be strong for your family

Dear<br />
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I feel sorry for you and your loved one's please remember you will always be in our prayers. My husband was diagnosed with skin cancer, I know it's not the same, but be aware there is people out there thinking and praying for you and your son. God Bless and Be Strong

hope he pulls through. No fun really.Sad but it does happen. Give him as much care as possible. I went through times of distress with a tumor behind my eye on the optic nerve. I was married at this timebut my wife then did nothing and showed no concern. We were divorced a year later. My caregiver thought it was funny and refused to talk. Today it is doing nothing and I still have my eyesight. I look on the bright side and hope for the best.

stay strong,

Love and laughter, I'm sorry for what you had gone through or still going through, but I'm glad you don't blame GOD for it, because it's not Him. GOD created us with perfection. He doesn't give people diseases, or cause harm to them..

Thank you for sharing this. You have a very positive attitude to life as a whole and are very wise. Your faith and hope will help your son and family and I pray for you all that your son will be well again.

Your story is compelling, gripping, and a reminder to me of what I do have in my own two children, even though at times I have felt so ready for that freedom you were seeking when this terrible blow hit.<br />
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I am appreciative of your honestly and sharing and I am pulling for you.<br />
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Your family is loved, even by strangers.<br />
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Take Care

This isn't right. I cried as I read this story. Your son must be going through the most terrible thing anyone could ever imagine. God doesn't exist, how can he? And if he does exist, what kind of sick thoughts go through his mind when he gives someone cancer? I don't know what an allmighty being thinks about, but it sure isn't the well being of us humans. You're being pushed to your limits and your son is being pushed beyond his. Right now he should be enjoying his life and instead he's got cancer. Your son will be in my thoughts through this and all I can do is hope that he gets through this soon.

My mother had breast cancer a few years ago, but survived. So far she's been in remission, but it puts me at a higher risk for when I'm a bit older. <br />
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Right now, the father of a childhood friend has lung cancer. He originally had anal cancer, and had chemo or radiation to get rid of it, and he was ok for awhile. Then a couple of months ago, he went back for more tests because he wasn't feeling well and they found out it'd spread to his lungs. He's doing chemo again, but... well, lung cancer is hard to beat from what I`ve heard. Obviously my family and his family hope that that won't happen.

Greetings for you and your family... I thank GOD for your strength and faith in GOD that have inspired many out there who are dwelling with the same problem. At times, we have no choice but to open our hand and heart. But that's what faith is all about. I'm so glad you are strong enough to face this not just for yourself but mostly for your son and of course for your surrounding. May the Good Lord shine His brightest star upon you and put you in a place where you could see the depth of every little thing HE had planned in your life and in your son's life...... be blessed always

I am a 24 year old male living in South Africa. I can't say that I know first hand what it's like to deal with cancer. However, a year ago I did have a cancer scare. For about a week I thought I might have cancer before test results came back negative. The doctor had told me that what I had (a strange lump in my neck) could be anything from tuberculosis to a lymphoma, or another type of cancer. I thank God that it wasn't cancer, but it got me thinking about life and the value of making the most of it every moment...not to put things off until later. As young people, we think we're invincible, until something like that happens.<br />
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Again, I know that I don't understand what you and your family have faced. But I admire your positive approach to it and I pray you find an amazing victory over this - one that will inspire countless others who find themselves in the same situation. Stay positive and stay strong.<br />
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I wish you all long and full lives.

You are strong and sounds like he is too. I hope you will keep us updated and feel our positive vibes coming your way. <br />
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~Always MSP

You have a wonderful attitude and outlook, and this will take you far; it is the best possible thing you can do for your son. I believe that having faith in your heart can and does make a difference. I pray for the best possible outcome for him. We've dealt with a lot of cancer in our family the past couple of years, and it has been finding my center in spirituality that has gotten me thru, and for what may be to come. It's easy just to blame God for all the bad things that happen, but this gets us nowhere. By having hope and faith, we send out an invitation for good things to come to us. <br />
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Blessings to you, your son and your family. No matter what happens, peace, light and love will prevail. Please take comfort in this :)

Hello NannyR. I'm glad that you are taking the initiative to not only take care of yourself, but to also alert your children. No matter how old they get, or independant, they always always need their mothers. lol Blessing to you and yours.

I have a 25 yr old son. For the second day in a row, I this disease has been brought to my attention. I called my son, asked him to get a checkup. All young men should get tested! So, thank you for this story....we all take our health and the health of our children for granted. Just earlier tonight all my girlfriends and I decided to get mammograms together, as one of our dearest friends is battling breast cancer. Awareness is everything! <br />
Again, Thank you!

My dear Warlocks, I understand exactly how you feel and I hope you didn't cry. I agree that other family members, though sympathetic, and unless they've had a similar experience with one of their own, can't possibly truly feel as we, the parents of a sick child do. It wasn't clear from your comments if your son is still with you or not. I pray that he is and that he is recovered or recovering. I have many good friends on line from all over the world. I would be honoured to add your son and you to my son's prayer circles that even now are circling the globe. God Bless, and thank you for sharing.