I Am So Scared And Alone
My marriage is about to end and there is a million things running through my mind. I have to talk to an attorney this week and find out what it will cost me and what will happen. I have no idea what to expect and it is scaring me. I am so broken and insecure and I am hoping I can survive this battle without too many battle wounds. He is the only man that I ever dated. I was 16 and he was my first date. I thought there was something wrong with me, so when he asked I was thrilled. Of course we all make mistakes. I kept resisting his advances until maybe our 5th or 6th date when he gave he alcohol and once drunk, he promised to use a condom. He did use condoms but he never told me about how many times they broke. I ended up pregnant and married to my first date. I really wish I could have had the opportunity to meet other guys and experienced life more then I have. I have missed out on soo much and I hope now maybe I will have the opportunity to do some of the things I will never get to do as long as I am here. People ask how can you end a marriage after 36 years? Try living in all the abuse I have and you will understand. Honestly out of 36 years I would have to say I am lucky if 2 years of it were happy. I spent 7 or 8 years healing my wounds from the physical abuse he inflicted on me. The hospital probably has a very fat file on me. I was always having to go to the hospital for injuries, they probably thought I was the biggest air head around. How can one women get hurt so much and almost every weekend. Just unreal. Now I heal my wounds from the verbal abuse I receive daily. I feel like I am the ugliest, most useless person on the face of the earth. He might say 1 nice thing in the hundreds of bad things he says about me. Everyday when I come home and he starts in, I can feel my heart die more. I don't know if I could take much more of this abuse before I really do die. I need for this to be over as quick as possible so I can start healing before it is too late. All I ever wanted from him was to be loved, instead I was crushed and destroyed. Here's to the future, may it be brighter!