I have a cold. Just the common cold. Nasopharyngitis brought on by the nasty little bugger, rhinovirus. Symptoms should last about 7 - 10 days.

So, from my use of the ten-dollar words above, you can tell that I've researched the subject. Why? Because I'm sick and I have nothing better to do than lay here and search for idiotic things like that, that's why.

But, I uncovered, in my search, something not altogether expected, yet - oddly - not really a surprise to me: A recipe for "Snot":

You will need:
Light corn syrup - unflavored gelatin - measuring cup - water - microwave oven or stove - permission from your family.

What you do:
Heat 1/2 cup water just until it boils. Remove the heat. Sprinkle in 3 envelopes of unflavored gelatin. Let it soften a few minutes and stir with a fork. Add enough corn syrup to make 1 cup of thick glop. Stir with the fork and lift out the long strands of gunk. As it cools, you'll need to add more water, spoonful by spoonful.

So there it is. I am doing this only a service to those who require it. I, fortunately, am a functioning snot factory, and I possess adequate stores of the pure, natural substance (neatly wrapped in Medicated Puffs and stored in a Chicago Blackhawks waste receptacle). If you are disinclined to create your own faux snot, call 1-800-NEED-SNOT, and I will glady send you copious amounts of the genuine biohazard...all you pay is the shipping! (Blackhawks snot storage unit NOT included).

If you are interested in derivative products you may wish to transform your "snot" into "boogers" by adding fine dust particles to the aformentioned "snot". You may find very fine (as in small, not just supremely adequate) dust particles in your vacuum cleaner bag. If you don't know how to retrieve said dust from the machine, simply ask someone who knows how to change the bag to teach you. An added benefit is that you'll then be able to help out around the house.

So there you have it. Now, if you don't mind, I will go back to drinking my Nyquil and tea.
BozoBuckets BozoBuckets
51-55, M
2 Responses Jan 21, 2013

Ewwww..... Get well soon, Snotnose. ( washes hands )

lol.... once again... Bless your heart! Don't forget vitamin C works wonders.

Yeah, I've been choking down the nuclear submarine size 1000mg C tablets for a couple days now...I wonder why I bothered!