My girlfriend and I have been together for 6 & 1/2 years and sex has never been easy, even in the beginning. When we first got together we were having sex probably about 5-7 times a week, and then after a few months things dropped off sharply. It was also pretty evident in the beginning that we were quite different in bed. She doesn't really like giving or receiving oral, can't stand to have her body kissed or touched in most places, and doesn't really like to have sex in more than 2 different positions. I am pretty much the opposite, which has been a challenge.

I've only been with a few other girls and none of them were closed off like she is. I had hoped that over time she would open up but that hasn't really been the case. One of the biggest challenges for me is I've been dealing with Performance Anxiety and have had a hard time getting aroused because it sex isn't that exciting when it does happen. I've tried communicating the things I need to turn me on, but rarely will she do them. Her default way of trying to turn me on is to just touch me, which frankly doesn't do anything any more.

Back up to 6 months into our relationship and one night I brought up to her how we hardly had sex any more (1 to 2 times a week) compared to how often we used to and our relationship was still very young. She told me it concerned her too and made the mistake of telling me that she was used to having more sex in her previous relationships. As you can imagine, this hurt my feelings a lot. No one wants to hear that! To this day I sometimes get really bothered knowing that. Naturally (in my opinion), this made me want to have sex more often, partly because I didn't want to feel like I was getting the short end of the stick compared to her exes. However, my increase in desire kind of pushed her away as well and over our 6+ years together sex has been off an on. If I get bothered about our lack of intimacy then she gets pissed off at me and pulls back for a couple weeks.

In the beginning of our relationship I had made a decision to stop looking at ****. I figured that I would rather do the real thing than take care of things myself. Well, after we started to not have sex that often, I still had desires that I needed to take care of and so I turned back to ****. Well over time I think this has started to "desensitize" me to the real thing, and combine that with the Performance Anxiety I already had, hasn't helped. I've tried to stop looking, but then when I get no interest from my girlfriend for the real thing, I'll turn back to it.

I know a lot of people would not have stuck it out this long and some people I've talked to have said that. We've come very close to breaking up a couple of times and another time I found myself very tempted by another woman who was pretty much throwing herself at me. I guess I've just hoped that things over time would work themselves out and things would get better. At times I still have hope and other times I'm not really sure.
Lonewolf25 Lonewolf25
31-35, M
Aug 29, 2014