Why do I do this? I live for the story. Let me explain.
Particularly when it comes to my "love life" which I shouldn't even call that because I've never been in love. But I feel like I live for the story...the story that I will tell people in the future. Does that make sense? I put enormous pressure on myself to - get a boyfriend now - be in a relationship - have sex - etc. etc. because I'm concerned that if I don't....my story won't appear "normal". So this means I'm living for others, to please others. Because what if the next guy I meet asks how many relationships I've been in and I have no answer? What if a person asks me who was my last relationship and I don't have a "good enough" answer. It's reasons like this where I avoid talking about my "love life" because I fear I will be judged for my inexperience. Like what?! You're 20 and haven't had sex yet? You've never been in a serious relationship? I fear being judged like that. So, This is me. I live my life in order to please people in the future. How weird is that? How stupid is that? I think it's stupid. But I do it anyway. Because I hate being judged. I hate being looked at weird. I hate being the odd ball out.
emelon12 emelon12
22-25, F
4 Responses Aug 26, 2014

you dont need expereinces .this is not a sport or art or a skill to get better at.In my country its normal to be like you that is without boyfriends and past experineces.The experience part is the wierd thing here in my country.It would be a big problem if a girl has sex before marriage in india.I really apreciate you being like this.its all good.

I'm also a people pleaser but I try to change it, cause it's a really bad habit. You drain yourself behaving like that and also you essentially do not respect yourself and your wishes. Actually, you might never know what you truly want if you're always focusing on fulfilling others expectations.

My advice to you is, cut that cra*p. You're gonna have to do it eventually, cause you can't go on like that forever. That's probably the thing that makes you anxious, cause I read that you're anxious and I am too. And trust me, if you find the right guy, he won't care about those stupid things like how many guys did you have and were you in a serious relationship.

I know in theory how lovely would it be for me to not give a care about what people think of me. It's been years of conditioning and it's the way I am. But I need to realize it which I have, and try to change it gradually. I also think it comes with age,..the more you live and experience the more confident you become and the more sure you are and he less insecure you are. It's good to hear though from others that the right person won't care about my past...or lack thereof. You're right, it is part of my anxieties. I am trying to realize it and slowly condition my brain to stop thinking that way but it's hard.
Woah just rote a novel....the end haha :)

Haha, a great ending for your novel. :) I'm about to write another sequence. It's gonna change gradually, you don't have to harash yourself about it, just try to folow your emotions more. And yeah, it also comes with age. Regarding your future boyfriend, trust me, there's bunch of people who won't judge you based on your past. And if someone does, and tends not to like you cause of it, you don't need him anyway.

Ah that's good to hear. Sometimes (well in the past dating guys) they always ask me that question and it annoys me because they are so concerned about my past I just ask why? I don't know if it's curiosity or what but I don't enjoy that discussion

Next time they ask you slap them in their face! :D Well, I don't know, it's normal to talk about your past with the people you make out with. I guess you shouldn't worry about how they will react when they hear your past. And, you know, guys aren't that much experienced also, actually they don't differ from women at all. Maybe some of the guys are also upset when they speak about their past with you. :) I call this Ping Pong comment writing! haha

Oh how fun would that be haha you're right though never consider the other genders perspective

2 More Responses

"So this means I'm living for others, to please others. "excellent observation! :)
Free yourself from other people, because they really don't even care one iota about you in the end. They are all just strangers, except for your close friends if you have any (I'm not sure I do). Even like close family and stuff. We want to please our parents, but we have to live our own lives.

You are different. You are chosen