I don't get the rape fantasies women have.  Having survived the ordeal, it is NOTHING to fantasize about.  It scary as hell.  Hurts like hell.  It's brutal.

You want to role play something with a lover.  GO FOR IT!!  But it is NOT rape if you are willing.  Don't you get that?  There is NOTHING fun about rape!!

Maybe rewording your fantasy to not include that word would be better for everyone, and here is my thinking as to why.

1.  It is a slap in the face to all of us who are REAL rape victims

2.  Calling your fantasies rape only encourages real rapists that woman want to be raped.

I'm judging you for wanting a rough, role playing experience.  If that is what you are into, go for it.  But you really should be more careful what you put out there and how you say it.  God forbid you REALLY get raped.

ChristineJones ChristineJones
31-35, F
29 Responses Jan 4, 2010

This is a good point, well made.

Thank you for being able to say this so well I am not a rape victim ...yet.. But I don't want to be and I couldnt manage to express it so well

I have to agree with this post... I think renaming the fantasy might be in order. Force f**ked or something but rape only means one thing.. Couldn't agree more

I support you. I know how much trauma you have to go through. my gf is a victim. I know how much traumatised she was.

I think ppl internalize a huge fear and this is a way to "get your turn" (since ppl believe eventually every woman will be raped) and they won't have to actually go threw it and if they do it won't emotionally affect them. <br /><br />
<br /><br />
I believe I was raped, but I finally gave up fighting because my daughter was there and I didn't know if he'd hurt me.<br /><br />
<br /><br />
I think I suffer from Stockholm syndrome

So what do you suppose this type of fantasy be called instead?

Thank you... I admit I have scene of not being the one in control, but I never really bl<x>inked at using extreme words to generalize it. I might try to clarify.. hmm<br /><br />
I'm sorry for your ordeal, and you got to one person today! :)

Can't we just clarify this as a "Control" fantasy? Some women want to be "taken" but there are varying degrees of this. In each and every one of those degrees though, no still means no and when you step past that "No" you are into rape and Rape is never fun nor consensual.

My girlfriend was really raped and still gets turned on by it. Maybe you should quit judging peoples sexual tenancies. It's people like you that cause girls who found some enjoyment in their rape to commit suicide due to the same they feel. If we stopped telling rape victims how they should feel and started helping them cope with how they do feel, they would be a lot better off.

I think you are reading this question correctly, but I think there is a serious typo in the last paragraph.She probably means "I'm NOT judging you for wanting a rough, role playing experience.

I agree with you, I guess a lot of people do not know what it really means or how it feels and possibly that's why they go ahead and use it like anyother word.<br />
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Hope you recover soon from that horrible thing that had happened to u . You now have a long life to look forward to .................trash the sad part and make most out of .....the future.<br />
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Good luck.

I definitely agree with you, rape and wanting it rough are two completely different things, so yeah people out there should be very carefull in choosing how they express it because if they just say it out there people who've had that experience will receive a slap to the face.

Rape fantasies are different though.<br />
Of course both are willing but the one being "raped" will fight back/resist/etc.<br />
I understand where you are coming from though.<br />
<br />
To me it's kinda like ****** roleplay or pup-play.<br />
Would you really wanna have sex with a direct family member? Doubtful, hence you you get someone unrelated to play a family member.<br />
Would you really wanna have sex with a dog? Doubtful, hence why you get someone to act as a dog (although, this situation isn't always sexual).<br />
<br />
The roleplay part contradicts the rape part, therefor, no matter how you slice it - both parties are consenting.<br />
So, it's just simply called that and it get rough and you act like you're unwilling to create the illusion.<br />
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Personally speaking, I do have one. Of course I'd never want to actually be raped, I don't think anyone is that crazy!... Oh, no, wait, I do. But she's of the mindset that she can't be raped because she's always willing -- the stupid *****.<br />
Anyway, as I was saying, I wouldn't want to be raped but the thought of unwillingness turns me on, the thought of roughness turns me on as well, same for not having a say in the matter.<br />
All within the illusion of course.<br />
<br />
<br />
Also, to some above comments, women do indeed have rape fantasies, it just depends on the woman.<br />
Quote:<br />
"Women engage in sexual fantasies about rape or coercion with apparent frequency. In one study of college-age women, over half had engaged in such fantasies. Some claim that force fantasies in women are a way of handling sexual guilt – of expressing sexual desire without responsibility – but others claim that rape fantasies are simply a variation within a normal range of approaches to female sexuality. Accounts of women exploring the fantasy of raping men are usually confined to feminist literature or fetish communities."<br />

I don't think women have this fantasy, I think men have this fantasy and get women to go along with it.

the sad part there is nothing for other to get, it is something inside that person that <br />
makes that need.<br />
some need to feel control or abused to get off for what ever reason<br />
somelike to be tied up or chained some like to be treated as the other sex and played with<br />
i hate rape also i and 4 other were raped from about the age of 5 for 3 years or so but worst then the rape was how people reacted towards us when we tried to tell <br />
<br />
we all have different turn ons<br />
no one understands why

I posted this, but it isn't showing up on my screen, so I apologize if this is a repeat.<br />
<br />
I'm surprised that no one mentioned that many women (or men) who have rape fantasies are rape victims themselves. As a rape victim, I've sat in on many support groups and therapy groups and have met quite a few women who only find pleasure in reliving their hellish experience in the bedroom. The thought of acting out a pretend rape makes me (and obviously you) sick, but we all get ****** up from trauma in different ways. It is very similar to the fact that some women (or men) become promiscuous after rape and others shut down sexually. There is just no way to tell how trauma will mess someone up or change them for the better or worse.

whatever happen to man & woman just cuddling... enjoying life... PEOPLE ARE SICK THESE DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so hear your pain and anger, Christine! As an ****** survivor I frequently have rape fantasies. Some I enjoy others are more like flashbacks/nightmares. One time I brought it up with my therapist and he said something that shocked the hell out of me. He said, "Why don't you try acting it out with someone." At first I was mortified and thought to myself he's lost his mind. He further explained to me that it's an opportunity for a survivor to regain control and be in power because this time I would be setting up the arrangement and making the rules. NOT the other way around as what had occurred. It changed my whole viewpoint on my own fantasies and helped me to stop judging myself so much for them. I realized I was wanted to regain control. And ironically enough the rape dreams quickly ceased after that. I offer this as a possible point of healing and understanding. <br />
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And of course then there are the people that have no trauma in their background and just get off on the control play that it is. I agree, discretion and sensitivity for those who have been through the experience would serve us all a great deal and be a more loving way of living in the world. I think every experience we have offers us great insights into ourselves and life itself. Which is what is so neat about EP an opportunity to explore ourselves and our experiences with one another for such unlimited possibilities of good.

In my opinion, this is similar to women who have claimed to have been raped, but only lie about it to get attention or whatever.<br />
<br />
And I'm not saying you're lying, I just imagine that it would be a bigger slap to the face...

Rape fantasies are not about actual rape - they are about allowing oneself to lose control to a power that lies beyond them. I personally see no difference between a rape 'fantasy' and the giving up of control to a god/being in the form of religion (which is considered wholesome and good by a good majority of people. Rape itself is a terrible thing. BUT subjecting women to humiliation, and forced guilt, by beating in our personal outlets (as would be my own).....that's about as close to rape as it can get. Not to say that it was intentional.

I think you missed the point its only fantasy,because you dont agree for your own good reasons,does not give you any right to limit anyone elses roleplay or fantasy.If done in the privacy of the home by consenting adults Its all good.people will always push boundaries Chris, always have always will. Humans as a race never cease to amaze me.

sorry guys that was a bit sexist <br />
All the boys/men that have been raped be a survivor not there victim . x

i think boys who" rape" people should have there d**k chopped off <br />
boys who "touch people up" should have there hands cut off <br />
and i think girls that have a fantasy to be raped are sick <br />
why the hell would you want anyone to do that to you its worse than death because if you're a coward like me its something thats eats away at you until you die inside <br />
GIRLS LIKE THAT MAKE MY STOMACH TURN !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!<br />
im confused could someone please explain why anyone would anyone want to feel so dirty and ashamed because thats how i feel .<br />
All the girls/ladies that have been raped be a survivor not there victim x

My gf like to feel drity an likes thst kinda play too an she was raped too so she has been in ur shoes too but still likes it
To each there own an who are u too judge poeple are u ready to be judged

I am aware of this "play rape" thing from reading about it, but as a man I can't get any sexual buzz or excitement of any kind about this, even trying to consider it for the purpose of writing this message. I am a firm believer that sex should be mutual. I am happy to play and role play but even the thought of this "play rape" is making me cringe writing this. <br />
For me, the word "rape", is right up there with "******" "underage" and others. <br />
These are some of the ugliest human acts, some of the ultimate in disrespect and evil intent, in my opinion, especially because of the personal level that they are carried out at and often with victim knowing the perpetrator to some degree.<br />
Maybe this is just an issue over the use of the language, after all if the lady wants to engage in "rape" it doesn't fit what would appear to be a fairly universal understanding of what rape is. <br />
It would appear that the lady wants to invite sexual interest then to hand over control....but in a controlled way: that can't be rape or anything like it. <br />
I agree that giving the term "rape" even an iota of acceptability may have an effect that could lead to others being raped and if that even happens to one person, it is too many.<br />
Maybe a more suitable term is required to replace it but then the replacement wouldn't be so potent.<br />
<br />
For me, sex isn't about possessing or bullying or violence, it is instead about a mutual experience and respect. <br />
I remain confused by this whole "play rape" thing, but I am certain that ladies that have been raped have no such fantasies. <br />
No person anywhere should ever have to suffer being raped, it really is sad to read the articles from those of you that have suffered but I am impressed at the strength that you show in taking your lives back.- Chris

Actually if you read up on the statistics the majority of woman who fantasize about this have been in similar positions, have been raped, or molested.

I support you!I also don't get persons who have a pee fetish...gross...

I"m sorry CGS. In the end...forgivness is for us, not them. It's so we can move on. I have forgiven many people for many things in my life, but people I am having a hard time forgiving are these people. The rapists.

So hate the rapists an not the poeple who have been raped an dealing with it it startrd off y people like rape play an looks loke the answer is there way of dealing with it

Too late and 10 months later I think that I'm finally taking my power back, I'm not freaking out in pubic anymore because of the traumatizing emotions that followed me around, but I do get scared when guys grab me and try to hug me and not let go because that is how the rapist was with me! He had a one track mind and even though I told him that I was happily married and not to talk to me like that (asking me to suck him off) he still never gave up when I was passed out at my cousins birthday party! I said no I shuved his head away I resisted but was scared, then I told him that he broke my vow that I had made to God and that I could lose my husband and kids because of him in anger, then he still tried to kiss me and I told him don't you dare! I told my husband and went to the hospital and the police the next day. I cried almost every night alone so that my husband wouldn't hear I felt like everyones oppinions were an insult to injury and just was so angry and hurt. But God helped me through it and gave me life that to God it was indeed rape and that, I should not hate him but have no compassion for him, and to forgive him and an angel came to me and said that everything was going to be okay and I was filled with peace.

I support you and this 100 percent. As a survivor myself I find it offensive and just plain endangering of other women for one to claim to they want to be raped. Rape is not something that happens for one who is willing. It doesn't happen when one is expecting it and just allows it to happen. It destroys life, it destroys a person inside and out and you can't want that if you are honestly sane....<br />
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Yes, it is role playing these people want. NOT rape.

I don't understand it either. I wouldn't wish it on anyone