bad relationship with mother
Before I start, I'm going to state that I am not just being a rebelious teenage with the idea that "My Parents Are The Worst!". I am posting this because my situation is not normal for a mother/daughter relationship, and I ned advice on how to correct the situation.
I am what you call "a door mat". I don't really stand up for myself that often because I am afriad of conflict. I allow others to trample over me before I can defend my case. I do things that I don't really want to do just to avoid a fight. To put it simple, I'm not really assertive at all.
My other, on the other hand, is the complete opposite. she is OVER assertive and treats everyone in the house hold like we are her slaves. She won't let anyone get a word in before she stops them and puts in her two cents worth.
Ever since I was a kid, I was always doing things for her that someone of that age shouldn't have to do. My mother is severly overweight, and has always been on the heavy side. so her feet are always swollen from walking (even though she does very little of it). I think I was four or younger when she started making my brother and I rub her feet almost on a nightly basies. (sorry for any of my spellng, I'm terrible with it) I learned how to cook simple dishes in kindergarden due to the fact she would be "too busy" to cook for us. (Just stuff like a grilled cheese or something)
As I grew older, I thought that this behavior would die down, so I never said anything about it. But I couldn't of been more wrong. It ust kept getting worse and worse to the point that she doesn't do anything for herself. She can't walk 5 feet to the kitchen to get her own drink, or do her own laundry. (I Think the last time she was in the kitchen was last december, and hasn't went downstairs in almost two years)
Granted she has some health problems, but that doen't stop her from doing things on her own.
I recently made up a list of all the things she tends to do almost a daily basies:
-Always wants everything Her way, and if she doesn't get it, she takes it out on EVERYONE
-We get in trouble if we tell her No or Not Now
-Pouts when she doesn't get her way
-Uses everyone as her slave
-ALWAYS having to rub her feet/back/neck, and won't return the favor
-When I say I have homework, she calls me several times to do things for her
-can never just leave people alone
-ALWAYS wanting attention
-no one can sleep in, cause when she wakes up, EVERYONE wakes up
-Her way, or the highway
-Happy one minutes, Pissed off/upset the next
-If she doesn’t like it, then it's "stupid"
-Never thinking anyone can change
-always coming up with demeaning nick-names for my fiancé: "namey-poo"
-I'm 18 years old yet she treats me like 12 (I.E. having to ask to go out anywhere. Basic rules for a 12 y.o)
-Treating EVERYONE as a kid (including dad)
-Taking everyones money
-Using Everyone elses name under the electric/water/phone bill/mortgage
-Taking financial aid
-Screwing up my credit, by being late on bills that were under MY name
-Put my name under the bills even when I was a minor
-complaining that she has a harder job than me (She works behind a desk, I work in a warehouse on the dock. Dangerous conditions)
-Lied about my age, just to put electric under my name
-Major trust issues
-won't leave me alone when I ask to be left alone
Just to name a few, but there is plenty more. I can never get anything across to her because she does not listen to me or anyone. You know someone is too controling when their husband of 1 and a half years (My step-dad) Doesn't care if she left him, cause she treats him like dirt too.
What can I do to break away from her? I'm trying to move out by december 18th and I haven't even told her because I'm terrified of what she would do to sabatoge it. Help?