I Have A Crazy Ex And Need Help

Ok so we were together for 6 yrs we have boys and i just left him a month ago. hw has always been super controling and abusive in all ways.So im trying to start my life over but he i wont leave me alone. we have agreed not to go to court as long as he pays my child support and he see the kids. I allow him to come to my house 2 nights out of the week for 2hours to visit the boys because they are only 5 and 17 months. he also gets the everyother weekend. He still trys to control me with everything that he can think of like..... if i dont give him a hug before he leaves after a visit he say he wont pay all his child supprt or if i want sit and talk and agree on crazy things he randomly thinks of then he will quit his job.... and by crazy things i mean i have to tell him where im going at all times with the kids he wants to know who they are around at all times.... what i do on my weekends with out the kids..... he pays for the cell phone that i have only cause we have a contract, but he always thretens to take it or see if im talking to any guys.....i dont have a job because i was never allowed to work while i was with him so i don't have the money to pay for things like a phone or gas in my car so im constantly agree to things so that he will contuine to give me money so that i can try and find a job to support my kids on my own. he calls me at least 3 times a day to bug me to fix things if i dont answer the phone he just shows up at my house! i just want to be done with him and i dont know what to do i hate confrintation and fights im to nice of a person to take him to court and put my kids theought that crap cause thats how i grew up and i hated it.................................... so please if anyone can help me or give me some adive it would be a great help thankyou!
youngNlost youngNlost
22-25, F
1 Response Sep 25, 2012

I went through the same thing. EXACT same thing.

The best advice I can offer you from someone who has been living the nightmare:

1) Keep a daily journal of every one of his behaviors and everything he says to you and threatens you with. You WILL need it someday. Document EVERYTHING. Make sure your neighbors know what is going on.

2) Only communicate in writing. Email is best, text is second best. ALWAYS keep your responses very simple and non-emotional. Make your responses self-serving, "You are scaring me" "I feel like you are controlling me" etc. Write your responses knowing that a judge or a parenting evaluator is eventually going to read them.

3) You are not his wife anymore. He does not own you. He does not own your children. Get a counselor. Learn everything you can about domestic violence, emotional abuse, financial abuse, psychological abuse and codependency (you may not have realized it yet, but that is what you have been living).


5) You cannot do this alone. You NEED an attorney. Period.

6) When you have a parenting plan and a court order for child support there will be no reason for him to contact you. Each parent just needs to abide by the rules. Simple as that. Think about why he wants to "keep it out of the courts".

7) Get your OWN cell phone. T-Mobile has affordable plans. DO NOT let him have control over your phone - he pays the bill - he is monitoring your activities!

8) You will probably need a restraining order if he is unable to control himself. Check with the family court in your jurisdiction for more information.

9) Pray and take care of yourself. Eat well, sleep, keep the kids on a good schedule, have FUN with them, take lots of pictures, do lots of crafts, make and keep good friends and neighbors, stay very involved with doctors, schoolteachers, daycare providers, and your family. You'll need all the support you can get, and people that can testify as to what a good mom you are.

10) DO NOT tell him ANY personal information. If you have mutual friends, DO NOT give them personal information. Make a new circle of friends. Sorry but you have to be very careful now about who you trust and who you need to cut out of your life. Your safety is at risk.

If this guy is anything like I peg him to be, he'll go after full custody even though he doesn't want it just to control you and spite you and get out of having to pay child support. He'll fight dirty so keep your nose clean. No drinking, no bad choices with people you date, no drugs, keep a job, pay your bills, be self sufficient, and basically be the BEST MOM IN THE WORLD!!!