So its not just me then.
We have now been divorced nearly as long as we were married ...2 years.
There were many reasons why things didn't work out. My complete inability to have a discussion with him about anything important. His evasiveness, smashing his computer on the floor cause Id had one cigarette on a girls night out and eventually, the comment that really did it for me. Ehem, "I am your husband, you are my wife. You will do what I say" What?
I asked for a few days away as I thought this would get my point across. This resulted in him threatening legal action and sleeping in a bus shelter...not once did he want to address the problems that I'd brought up.
He then proceeded to lie about dying, pretend to faint, threaten the friend I was staying with, make up abusive text messages he'd sent himself over the internet, hack into my emails.(To the point that my ISP told me to log his 'mischevious behavior' with the police). You name it I had it, all short of physical abuse. Although he did say he knew what I needed but that if he did it I'd probably have him arrested...I'd rather not contemplate what he meant by that.
No surprise then that I filed for divorce.
I put up with alot of this abuse for months while we were splitting, feeling bad that I was the one who walked out on our marriage. Then I found out that only six weeks after I'd left he'd started seeing someone. I left in September, his new partner was pregnant by christmas, and in the meantime he'd been doing all this. I felt sick.
Fast forward to today and he's contacted me (in a long, conveluted way that I can't be bothered to go into) because they may want to adopt at sometime in the future and, to quote him,'the contents of the divorce petition do not show me in a good light'...no ****!
I said that if the adoption agency want to contact me they are welcome to and I will be honest and fair (Im sure the agencies can keep things in perspective), but he wants more than that.
He wants me to have an 'open discussion' with him about what I will say to them, or...wait for it...he is going to take me to court and prove that I really left him for my current boyfriend (who had been our friend at the time of the split).
He has asked me before whether my current partner was the reason I left. He wasn't.
There were some rumours about us at the time because I was giving him driving lessons and was very upset when he had a crash. It probably didn't help that I was trying to prove my ex was hacking my emails so used a couple of unlikely scenarios in messages in order to get a rise out of him, one of which was fancying my current partner. At the time I did consider this an unlikely scenario, as back then he was only 17 and I was 28!
My ex would never admit where he got the information from, so I never had the chance to discuss it. On the back of this he also thinks I had an abortion...NOT something I wrote. I mentioned an operation in an email to my sister (she knew about my hoax) and within 7 minutes he was on the phone saying 'someone' had told him I'd killed his baby. So you can see how his mind works then!
I could go on all day about the nasty little spiteful things he's done. Linking my business website to an advert for a competitor, posting details of my weight, counselling and finances on the internet, Asking mutual friends to get me to ring him as I was ignoring him and he was desperate to get in touch with me...when he hadn't even tried and had nothing to say.
I've told him that he and the adoption agency can only contact me in writing at my family home, and that if he carries on I will change that to my solicitor's address.
I am absolutely sick of it. There is no way I would want to interfere with his current life and I would never deliberately obstruct the adoption process. But we are talking about a child here. I am not going to lie.
No doubt if their application fails, for any reason at all, I will get the blame and subsequent retribution.
I feel so uncomfortable waiting for it to happen.
Aaarghh! Boys are so silly!