It's Hard Knowing What's Normal When You Grew Up In A Crazy Family.As a child, I was constantly physically and emotionally abused. My parents also had this thing that we weren't allowed to have friends.. Now that I'm older I realize that they were trying to keep us isolated so that they would have more control over us.
As a young child I had an inner voice. It basically told me that things were not normal at home and I thought of myself as just an average little girl in a strange family. I think many children are born with an inner ability to know what's right and wrong. Anyhow, over the years my voice was completely broken down. I started to internalize the negativity and deplorable labels thinking that there was something wrong with me. I believed I was an ugly, stupid, selfish **** and all negative behaviour towards me was merited.
To this day, I have a hard time hearing and understanding my inner voice. I learned the skill to read and appease others to avoid conflict. I have no idea how to direct my energy inwards and make myself happy. I am unassertive and insecure.
Although my dad was probably the smallest contributor to my issues, I still love the song from John Mayer "Daughters" because it describes how ones upbringing can deeply affect a person.
Will I ever be okay? I wonder. Parents, please, please be good to your children!!! There is so much out there already that they have to deal with. You need to be a comfort to them. You need to love, adore and guide them to adulthood.
lagatta 41-45, F 3 Responses 3 Aug 15, 2011