It's Hard Knowing What's Normal When You Grew Up In A Crazy Family.

As a child, I was constantly physically and emotionally abused.  My parents also had this thing that we weren't allowed to have friends.. Now that I'm older I realize that they were trying to keep us isolated so that they would have more control over us.

As a young child I had an inner voice. It basically told me that things were not normal at home and I thought of myself as just an average little girl in a strange family. I think many children are born with an inner ability to know what's right and wrong. Anyhow, over the years my voice was completely broken down. I started to internalize the negativity and deplorable labels thinking that there was something wrong with me. I believed I was an ugly, stupid, selfish **** and all negative behaviour towards me was merited.

To this day, I have a hard time hearing and understanding my inner voice. I learned the skill to read and appease others to avoid conflict. I have no idea how to direct my energy inwards and make myself happy. I am unassertive and insecure.

Although my dad was probably the smallest contributor to my issues, I still love the song from John Mayer "Daughters" because it describes how ones upbringing can deeply affect a person.

Will I ever be okay? I wonder. Parents, please, please be good to your children!!! There is so much out there already that they have to deal with. You need to be a comfort to them. You need to love, adore and guide them to adulthood.

lagatta lagatta
46-50, F
3 Responses Aug 15, 2011

Thank you Charmerende for your kind words!!! You are such a nuturing soul. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better!!! :)

Lagatta and curried eggs on toast, i think u r blossoming and contribute to EP fantastically.

Lagatta as a young child I also went through similar things I always looked at myself as the ugly duck of the family I'm very different physically and emotionally from them I always had that on my mind, why I was so different? They even said it to me BUT on the contrary I still have that same idea I treat my daughter with so much love and never make her feel worthless or inferior I know how that feels