Addiction, Cheating, Loathing.

I am a 17 year old girl born into one crazy family. My parents both met in rehab, she was a wealthy daughter of an author, he was a child of reborn Christians beaten to smithereens by his dad. They both had cocaine and alcohol addiction. Together they got sober and attended meetings together, not thinking their relationship would go anymore. That was until my mom got knocked up, and decided to keep the baby. 3 months pregnant, my mother married my father. They had known each other less than a year. 6 months later, my older brother was born. They had 2 more girls, and then I'm the baby. Their marriage seemed solid to most, my dad was an architect and my mom was a stay at home mom, taking care of her four kids. Their marriage wasn't solid. They gave the rest of their lives to each other without really knowing each other. They were only in their early twenties, they never even got to make anything out of themselves, or finish college, before settling down. They did remain sober, that was there only feat. Although they started a family so early on in their lives, without really knowing each other, they fell into their routines, and became satisfied with their lives. My brother got into a top college, and oldest sister stayed at home for a few years after she finished high school. When I was just thirteen years old, my mother cheated on my father with the gardener. Me and my closest sister were shocked and surprised. We felt that we were in no place to judge anybody. My parents tried to work it out, but failed. My mom kept acting out, threatening her life and her sobriety. My dad just yelled at her and treated her like a child. I was so young, I just started to recognize this as normal behavior. My dad moved out, but still they fought, horrible fights that I will never forget. My mom would throw things around the room and cry and scream, and my dad would just call her a child who has never grown up. My older siblings were so distraught by their actions, but I never really thought about it. I just watched it all happened and thought it was normal. There screaming fights became the soundtrack of my life. My brother and my eldest sister had moved on with their lives, living in different cities a couple of hours away. Me and my closest sister would just deal. I don't know, maybe it's because I was the youngest, my parents behavior was so normal to me, their fights and panic attacks were all I had ever known. My mom was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and anorexia. She was placed in a psychiatric facility that could help her mood and weight. Me and my sister lived with my dad in the marital home for a few months. My sister graduated from high school, and started working. When my mom was gone, I started to fall apart. I defied my dad and went out and partied my brains out and was basically a ****. I never went to school, and I was just barely sixteen finishing my sophomore year. I had always been close to my mom, she bought me cigarettes and let me do what I want, the opposite of what my dad would do. I missed her so much, I always texted her and called her begging for her to come home. My closest sister was just so entirely different, she had a steady boyfriend, a job, and a life that didn't involve partying all the time. I remember the day my mom came home finally, I was so relieved to see her, she didn't look like a skeleton anymore and didn't have bipolar attacks on a daily basis. My dad moved back into his apartment and everything went back to normal. I still partied the same, and junior year started, I failed out. Someone would drop me off at school every morning, and within an hour or two I would just walk off the school grounds and meet up with people. Then nobody cared whether or not I went. I just stopped going. My parents still fought, even as they were in the midst of their divorce agreement. My dad would call me a **** and my mom would just hug me and tell me I'm beautiful. I moved into a small townhouse with my mom, and my closest sister stayed in the marital home with my dad. My dad's company was hundreds of thousands in debt, and my mom's new job barely made us any money. We all had to borrow money from everyone, family, friends, etc.
My parents thought I was crazy, my dad called me "a result of a bad upbringing". And I guess I was, or am. My older siblings got to witness the happy couple that they once were, my brother and eldest sister had barely even known these two new people my parents had become. And I was there for every moment of it, when I was just trying to find my way. I live in a little one floor townhouse with my mom as she still tries to make ends meet, and my closest sister still stays with my dad. I haven't been to school in a year, and am currently working on earning my GED. Nothing is perfect. I wouldn't have changed anything in my life, it's made me a strong person. Sometimes I worry I won't have a successful marriage, or even ever want to be married. I have never seen a happy family, or two parents love who don't hate each others gut or act mature. I am afraid of ever having to raise a child just because I worry of all the ways I could mess it up. Hopefully I'll get over these fears and will one day be able to reverse the curse and have a family of people who love and respect each other.
alexbrown414 alexbrown414
1 Response Dec 3, 2011

As a cleaning lady, with a clientele that goes from young marrieds, just starting out, to people who have been married for over 65 years, I can tell you, there are some stable and happy and well adjusted families out there. You see a lot when you are cleaning for the same family for more than 15 years. You kind of become like the furniture, they can be real in front of you, because you are just a fixture. I know these people, and have seen dysfunctional families, but also some very happy and solid marriages.