What Happened When My Mother And My Family All Moved In Together...
It seemed like a good ideaat the time. We had just had our first son and I had a few years of school left. My Mother wanted to be more involved and considering who my Mother is, it should have helped to keep her out of trouble. We went on a house-hunt, we found the right house, we talked about finances and "who would be responsible for what"....I think the first mistake was the assumption that everyone (my Mother) was being honest. In hindsite we should have sat down with a lawyer or a financial adviser but I guess I wanted to think we could all trust each other.
After the first year my husband and I started to notice things; my Mother coming in at all hours of the night (early morning really) when she was supposed to watch the kids the next day.
Here I have to clarify that I am an adult student who saved for years to afford University. When kids came along they were not planned but egerly welcomed. My husband and I are pretty resourceful and easy going so we knew it may take longer but we could make it work. Also take note that the reason I didn't go to University right out of highschool was not that my family couldn't afford it but that my parents thought school was a "bit of a waste for girls" since thay should just "marry well". It was more inportant for my Mother to have flashy jewlery and cruises to every corner of the globe than to help with education. I do remember her offering me money to "live in a nicer area" becuse she would be "mortified" if anyone found out where I was living. On that note, I should have pulled my head out of my *** and known it was too-good-to-be-true when Mom wanted to move in together and live like the Brady Bunch.
It turns out my Mother is a GAMBLER! I followed her, talked to friends then started looking at the company books (our family owns a business). Imagine my horror when I found out that Mom owes more than the equity in our house. So I had to tell my husband. I consider myself lucky he didn't pack his bags and leave with the kids. Becuse Mom was put on title to the house we stand to lose it when creditors come calling so our house went up for sale ( she would not agree to sign over the house). When I started to tell family why we were selling, why I have had to stop going to school and return to work, no one believes me. "Oh your mother wouldn't do that!" or "Why are you saying those things about your Mother?" are the usual responses. Not only has my Mother come out to be the "poorly done to party", I am now the horrible child who is trying to take her house. Little does anyone know that if I don't sell the house and get her finances in order she will be living in a cardboard box.
While this is all going on we are keeping up happy faces and no yelling for the kids. My Mom has stopped cleaning up after herself since "its not my house, why should I care?".
So here is the ultimate question:
Am I insane? Why do I still think I can help her? Should we run and never look back? I can not force her into a Gamblers Anon group or any kind of treatment...and the stuff I have written here is just the beginning. She trys to get back gifts she has been given, tries to find ways to get men to pay for things, argh! Just plain crazy stuff...