In-laws Should Be Called Outlaws

We live in the same driveway. His mother is controlling, over bearing, disrespectful etc. I could write a book about all the bad qualities she has. Anyway, on several occasions this has happened... she comes in our house early in the morning, walks in our bedroom while we are asleep, talking to my husband about going to eat breakfast with her. It makes me so furious! He gets his clock cleaned and she continues to do it. Another annoying thing she does is I have 2 boys Mason is 12 and Ethan is 10. Every birthday they have she plans and buys all the stuff for their party. In a couple of years they will no longer have birthday parties, they will just get cards in the mail. I have tried to talk to my husband about this and he would rather poke himself in the eye with a sharp stick than to say anything to her. I do not want to look back at my life and say well she took over and did everything I was suppose to do for my kids. My 12 year old just had a party, and I wanted his party to be from 2 to 4. She told me her and her daughter would not eat if I had it that late because it was past lunch. Are you serious? I had to have his party at 1:00 to accommodate his spoiled rotten mother. Ya, know because it is all about her. I told my husband that his mother is a brat. She has about 30 freaking get together's a year. I'm not exsaturating either. I do not rush back to her house and plan and buy all the crap for her parties. I think she should step aside and let me plan my kids birthday parties. We even have to celebrate our Anniversary with her. Which is ridiculous to me. It's like oh you made it another is a present and let's eat. To me our Anniversary is our's to celebrate. I shouldn't have to be forced to go celebrate it with his parents and sister and her husband. I honestly think it is just another excuse to have a get together. A couple of times we mistakenly invited her to go on a trip with us. Just for the day not over night. All she did was try to take over when we would leave, where we eat lunch, what time we would leave etc. When she wasn't trying to control every aspect she was complaining about everything in her life. She has not been invited to go anywhere else with us since then. Did I mention she does not like me, the feeling is mutual. I'm not bragging on myself, but I'm really a kind person, laid back and easy to get along with. You really have to be making an effort to not get along with me. I completely blame her for the way things are between us. I have tried to kind to her and be her friend, all it has ever gotten me is walked all over like a mat on the floor. This is by far the worst thing she has ever done. She told me 2 years ago right before Christmas, that she not going to buy my oldest son ( which is my husband's step-son ) that many gifts for Christmas. Because he gets gifts from his other grandparents. That was not an issue to me, I was really ok with that. What she did on Christmas was what was so bad to me, it made tears come to my eyes. Picture this myself, MIL, great-grandmother, Mason and Ethan are all in the living room. My kids sit down on the floor next to each other because they are fixing to hand out gifts, my evil MIL says to Mason, scoot over because the Ethan got a lot more gifts than you. I was completely crushed. It didn't bother me that she bought more for her grandson, pointing it out was not necessary and Mason probably would not have even noticed it. When we returned home I told my husband what she said, his response was I didn't hear her say that!! Of course not you were not in the living room. It doesn't mean she didn't say it because you didn't hear it. One thing is hurting me, but hurting my kid to get to me, is as low as you can get. She has caused so many problems with me and my husband, so many arguments. He defends every thing she does and says, which does not sit well with me. She started treating me bad before we were even married and it has never stopped almost 12 years in. He said at first she was going through menopause, which later when I knew the menopause was over, that she just did not like me. For a long time it bothered me and after several tries to befriend her I gave up. Now it's like I just tolerate her and try my best to ignore her. I want us to start our own Christmas tradition before my kids are gone from home. We have a total of 3 Christmas's with his mother, 1 with my mother and 1 with my father. On Christmas morning the kids open their gifts and have to hurry up and get dressed to rush back to my MIL's house for the 3rd freaking time for Christmas! I tried to talk to my husband and I might as well be talking to my furniture. I'm so sick and tired of her sabotaging everything that is important to me with my kids. I have a feeling I'm going to look back on my life with my kids up bringing and have so many regrets, for allowing her to take over. What should I do? Any advice? I need and want to take control of my life.
Michelle775 Michelle775
2 Responses May 18, 2012

i feel you and understand, mother in laws are so cruel, and very selfish and always do annoying things to hurt there daughter in-law, because they think they can.. 1 thing you need to do ignore her ignore her and just ignore , i know its so hard to do , but it works wonders for me, being having attention seekers as a mother in law, ughhhh i hate her right now and her annoying daughter in law who is over 30 and acts like 3 years old, i am marred for 6 years, i have a mother in law who even gets upset when i visit my family, i really don't give a **** bout her, her brain always feels to edit whatever comes from her mouth,... am just so stressed out over my in laws now, who just invited themselves to stay with us for 7 hell months,mother and daughter, i learned to ignore them,and just live my life how i wants, she tried every time to inter-fear with my kids, how i raise them and all..but i told her, i understand they are ur grandchildren, and u love them, but i am the mother u are the grandmother,You are a guest in our marriage and a guest in our home. You have to fold into our rules and our lives if you want to be welcome here, she just went shut and her jaw dropped, because i took sooo many ***** from them, i cried soo many times, and whenever i asked my husband for help, he will be she is my mum you know, after 6 years of hell , i said i have to put stop to this, i am not going to regret for not standing up for my self and be a coward, and take it all in, patience is the key to success that's true, but it doesn't work with in-laws .. i hope this helps, take ur chance live ur life, they are ur kids not hers.. don't tell ur husband anything bad bout her, praise her praise praise praise her,...since he wont understand..and i wish u all the best

I can relate to your situation. My mil fancies herself a hostess and we've gone to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas. While it was the only time my husbands family got together, I did not want to be going to her cluttered house(she's a hoarder just hides the stuff) to eat the same thing (literally, she is the pickiest eater) every yr. Also on Thanksgiving, we go to her house first and miss out on the delicious and variety of food at my family's. I have a child now and I want to cook holiday meals but I know my mil will not be happy to let go of her get togethers. Luckily my husband puts her in her place when he needs to, he lets little stuff get by but at the same time my mil knows that my husband is a no nonsense sort of guy And won't buy into her schemes.<br />
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I've read a little about these situations and you've probably read some too but a lot say that the husband should deal with his mother (she is most likely to take the hint from him and be more willing to correct her behavior). <br />
As for what she did with the gifts for your sons you should call her out on it on the spot(if a similar situation arises) but in a matter of fact non confrontational way so that you are not stooping to her level. I realize it would be hard to do that on the spot, I'm not good with that so its best to anticipate her behavior and have a response ready.. I read that too. I think you could of said "When you say things like that do you wonder what it might be like for me to hear?" or in this case "for your grandson to hear"<br />
I would call your husbands attention before you do this so that he's present<br />
More than anything you need your husbands support and he needs to realize his family ie his wife and children come first and his mother second<br />
I've tried the being honest approach with her because she repeatedly assured me & another dil(#2) we could be open with her. Of course that was her way of baiting us into conflict. Me and my bil wife(the other dil) got into a "war" with her, her term btw. Luckily I had controlled my reaction better but unfortunately the other dil didn't but the dil stood her ground and told her she's had it and the mil had to apologize. Mil denied she did anything and played the victim card telling her other son, not my husband another son(she has 3) her story and that opened a big can of worms causing my bil and his girlfriend to write off the dil#2 and even his own brother! Dil#2 s husband, the son, told his mother she had to apologize in front of him because she would always hide behind the fact that no one else was there. She always does her worst when the sons are not there or there's no other witness and lies about what happens or is said.<br />
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Sorry for long reply and story but just thought you should know you are not alone.