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My Crazy Mother

Oh where to start?

My mom is enveloped in her own belief that she is the victim and everyone wants to hurt her. Because of this, she tends to create arguments where there are none and bring down people who aren't really trying to hurt her, including myself. For example, I have tried to discuss with her how the way she talks to me sometimes makes me feel, and instead of listening to me and trying to fix the situation she uses my words to twist around and make it sound like I'm calling her dumb, saying shes a horrible person, that I don't love her (I get this one a lot), and that I don't want to talk to her. Naturally, when she does these things I really DON'T want to talk to her. Not only that but it makes me feel like I'm a terrible person who has attacked my mother when that isn't what I did at all. It seems like any time I try to talk to her about how she talks to me or she places rules or has me do things just because "she's the mother and she can." However, I am now 19 years old and this attitude just isn't working for me anymore. It really isn't my job to make sure she's always happy and take care of her. She's in her 30's so she isn't aging at this point. She's a grown woman who needs to take care of herself and let me take care of myself. It's very frustrating because I find I just can't talk to her without becoming a villain. If anyone here knows the feeling and/or how to deal with this. I would welcome the advice. All I really want is a good relationship with my mom but it's hard sometimes when I behave in a more mature fashion than she does.
takeitbacktosquareone takeitbacktosquareone 18-21 6 Responses Feb 22, 2011

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I have the same exact thing with my mother. It seems like it is getting worse, and its really depressing. I just turned 18 (still in high school) and I was planning to move to Texas this summer to live with a family friend who would actually be more of a mother to me than my actual mom and I would finish my last year of school there. But when my mom found out she threatened me with killing herself(not the first time), and she said its the worst thing I could do to her etc. I wish she could think of it from my point of view for once. She barrows money I make at my ****** job at BK for pot and leaves me to buy my own food because "healthy food is too expensive" we don't even live in a real house. We live in a weird commune house with other poor and disabled adults, a total of seven people, and she picks fights with every one. This morning she got mad a me for sitting in a chair which she deemed disgusting because "Mary sits there". I try to change the subject when she keeps talking about negative things but then she gets mad at me for changing the subject. She is especially awful without her pot. I have had to buy it for her ad give it to her just to make her stop throwing fits and causing conflicts with everyone. I really want to move and get out of here now but that would mean staying in a homeless shelter a couple towns over and going to a new high school. I have been homeless there before and I know the basics on how to get around so I have been seriously considering it.

you said it so eloquently, thank you for saying it. I'm 30 and still struggling with my mother. I just spent an hour on a crisis line trying to explain it to a stranger, I thought I was the only one with this issue. You said exactly what I'm going through.

you cant help someone who will not help themselfs who thinks its everyone else who lies and lives in denial. but I sure can relate.

WOW - I'm relieved to know there are people out there who live with a crazy mother like mine. Unfortunately, I'm 41 and mom is 62. It hasn't changed over the years. It's only gotten worse. She has alienated every family member she has ever had (except my poor dad - who has no choice but to put up with her or start over, and he will never do that). She exiled my 3 Grandparents, every aunt & uncle, cousins, siblings, my husband & I, and my girls (her grandchildren). WTH? How is it that we are ALL wrong and out to get her with everything we say & do. I am now going to choose to let her be. Let her live in misery. Alone, hateful, bitter, sad, and paranoid. She can hoard herself into oblivion and I am going to continue with LIFE, LOVE, JOY, PEACE, and faith that God will take care of her... cause I can't any more. Love you mom - but I'm breaking your cycle.

I completely relate to this. My mother is always the victim, she is always right, and everybody hates her. I wish I had some profound advice, but honestly I came here seeking it myself. I do find it somewhat of a relief that there are others with crazy mothers out there. It seems all my friends have Super Moms who are their best friends. You'll get out of there, and you'll be stronger for it!

Wow i read this and felt like i wrote it. Every single last thing you said applys to me. Even your age and your mothers. I know what your going through. Hope you stay strong.