I Am Always To Blame

My mother has never believed a word I have said or cared about a single feeling I've had. She takes pills for her depression so she doesn't have to make changes in her life. She married an abusive man who stole money from my grandmother. Every time I told her something he did to me I was a liar. My sister is a drug addict, when I told my mother I was a liar. When I was in an abusive relationship and fought back I almost killed the guy. He called her and said he would drop the charges against me if she would send me back. She did. I keep trying to have a relationship with her and it keeps biting me in the ***. She had to watch my oldest son while I was delivering my youngest. I called to talk to him and she had let my sister take him out. Took me over an hour to find her, she was at her drug dealers house with my 3 year old. She tried to kill herself a couple years ago, said it was my fault. She blames me for everything and calls me crazy. I have only recently realized that its not me, its her. I can't get her to stop trying to contact me. She says and does horrible things and tells everyone I'm doing and saying it. I'm going to end up crazy if I can't get her to leave me alone. I don't know what to do anymore. I have a wonderful, supportive husband and he tried to stay out of it, but she has gotten so bad he refuses to let her around our kids. I always had a problem with it, but I listened to everyone tell me that she is their grandma and I'm horrible for keeping them from her. She is mentally, emotionally, and at times physically abusive towards me. But, its only me. She doesn't do this to anyone else. Her brother, my uncle, my father and his family, my husband and my in laws, and a few cousins know what I'm going through and are on my side. That's the only thing that keeps me sane.
gretlethewitchhunter gretlethewitchhunter
31-35, F
1 Response Jan 21, 2013

My mother made me think I was a crazy, and bad person for many years. It can be so hard to trust yourself when you have been beaten down for so many years. It hurts the most when these things come from your mother. Just know that Moms have the power to hurt their children more than anyone. Staying away from abusive people is the only solution sometimes. That's what I have finally realized with my mother.