Since about age 13, I've dealt with severely psychotic episodes and manic outbreaks from my mother. At first I thought that it was just unhappiness which stemmed from her becoming part time and eventually leaving her work because my dad's income increased, but I have come to realize it is something far more psychologically disturbing. She has become extremely judgmental and if a person ever does or says something that is a different opinion than her own, she takes it personally and will forever judge/dislike that person. As you can imagine, there are very few people left who she contacts regularly. She tortured her mother before she died when she was living with us because of the resentment she felt as the youngest child and their lack of communication growing up. She refuses to ever talk to me about making our relationship better, and every time I tell her that she needs help she turns the situation around on me telling me that I'm the one in the wrong. I would never say that I am perfect, but I am 21 years old with a lot of accomplishments behind me that is the product of much academic and athletic success; I am on full athletic scholarship to college and my gpa is near perfect. Most people would never guess that I have such a terrible home life. My father suffers everyday from the argumentative, righteous and victimizing personality that my mother has become. I know this is not the person that she was, and that her condition is the product of a steady mental decline resulting in mild paranoia and the inability to seek help with her obvious depression. I don't have siblings or first cousins to help with my situation, and I am at a total impasse in my life with what to do. The relationship I have with my mother looks like it will never get better, and often affects my school, my sport, my social life and my relationship. If anyone has advice for me in this seemingly hopeless situation I would be eternally grateful. Thanks for listening, whoever you are.
hawksnester hawksnester
22-25, F
1 Response Aug 17, 2014

wow reading this was like re-living my childhood years. I can totally relate. I know how hopeless and heartbreaking severe mental illness can be to those who love and live with the sufferer. You have to realise it has nothing to do with you. You sound amazing and you have to realise that mental illness just consumes somebody so much until they no longer are able to think and act rationally.

A lot of responsibility has fallen on you at such a young age and I can relate that you feel like you need to do something, to help somehow. There's only so much you can do unfortunately. I used to try making her happy by doing the things she loved, spending time with her, listening, talking, reading etc but at the end of the day sometimes it just can't be enough.

Looking back now I often think maybe I should have had her committed? Maybe that would have helped? Sent her to a rehab facility or something. Have you ever thought of that? I know you feel this is your burden to carry but trust me - it's not. Unfortunately this is kind of out of your control. Talk with your dad. She needs professional help and I can say that without a doubt. If she refuses maybe she needs to be forced into it. Sounds horrible but from experience the alternative can be so much worse.

I really wish you and your family all the best. I really hope you can all make it through this. It brings tears to my eyes to think of how it must be because I was there and unfortunately she couldn't be saved. I wish I'd done more but I've also come to terms with the fact that you can never EVER blame yourself. All you can is do your best.

Msg me if you ever need to talk, vent, seek advice etc. Big hugs to you.

C