My Greedy Selfish Mother
My mother has taken a great toll on my life and self esteam. I am an only child do to the fact that she did not want children which she made sure to tell me every chance she possibly could. My child hood was very lonely and scarey. She used to lock herself away for days leaving me to care for myself begining at a very young age. She would not allow me to go and see friends or have them over.. The only time she would show interest is when she would shove pills down my throat or worse.. I remeber when I was a teenager she got the idea to force me to go to a clinic and have colonics done. This like many other things used to make me very ill. This also made me feel as though I was being raped and humiliated. She got off on this I used to cry and beg her to leave me alone... This never worked I would have to deal with her wrath when we arrive home. When I was a teenager my father who did not know most of this was happening, he was often working almost all of the time trying to give her the material things she demanded. Then he left her.. She then more then ever used me as her bartering tool to get what she wanted from him. I used to pray every day he would take me away from my living hell. I then began to think of suicide especially when she would threaten to kill my dog which was my companion who she knew was my best friend. Years went by and then I graduated from high school. And she decided to move out of state. I finally had my out.. She was convinced that I would go with her but I wouldn't . When she left she took all of my posessions, and my fathers as well and left. I stayed in our house while it was for sale do to the divorce and started college. My father gave me a car so that I could go back and forth to school. She became angry that I had this and took my dad to court trying to have it taken away. My father was transfered again which happened many times during my childhood. When our house sold I moved to live with my father and dropped out of school. My dad had saved up so that I had enough to go to school but she got into the account and spent it all 25,000 dollars so that I no longer could afford to go to school. She went and moved in with my aunt and began to take advantage of her kindness. My mother still takes my father to court for money even though they have been divorced for over 10 years. I am now married with a beautiful son which my mother has proceded to tell me that I am a horrible mother to since I want to protect him from her. My husband convinced me to let her see him at birth and she told me those horrible things and tried to start fights between me and my husband since she could not stand to see me happy. Since I have not seen her in 3 years, she has started sending me the things she took from me for "Christmas" gifts. This makes me so angry mostly when it is family herlooms from my fathers family. I do not speak to her because she will not change her ways and it only brings me heartache I truely wish she would get herself help she is a very sick persone, especially when she has told me she sees thinngs that are not there. I pray to god that I will never do the things to anyone else that she has done to me. I hope that this makes sense I do not often talk about these things. Thank you for reading.