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What I've Been Thinking About.

I met a guy at my college. His name is Jared. He was in a class with my sister (who goes to the same college as I), and she introduced us. We started doing stuff with Jared occasionally, getting lunch and playing pool and other small activities. We all had fun together. At this time, I had a long distance boyfriend who was at a college five hours away.

I found out that Jared and I had a class in common, so we started to work on our homework together. We would go to the library and chat while we solved calculus problems. We were really starting to get to know each other. Jared and I also texted each other quite often; most of the time it was about plans, but other times we were just messing around with each other.

After a while, Jared and I started hanging out alone. We would play pool or play videogames. We were in my dorm playing a game, and we were sitting rather close. He would mess with me when I stood by taking up the entire seat. I would have to grab his hand to move him away; I held on to his hand for a while because I found a scar on it and he told me the story about how he got it. When that night was done, he playfully tackled me down and we laughed and struggled on the ground for a bit. When he left, I felt odd.

I told my boyfriend about how close I was to Jared, but never too many details. I told him enough information to make me feel like all the time spent with Jared was okay. My boyfriend was indeed okay with it, but I could tell he was holding some things back. He wanted to tell me that he was uncomfortable with Jared and I, but he never did. Also, Jared knew that I had a boyfriend. I'm sure that he would not cross any lines purposely.

That semester came to end pretty quickly. Although Jared and don't really live all that far from each other, I knew that we weren't going to see each other over the summer. I gave him a big hug before we left for the summer, confused about my feelings for him; I wasn't sure if I liked him, or if I just really cared for him as a friend. Still, I went home to my boyfriend without Jared knowing any of this.

The summer was interesting. While it was one of the best summers I've had, I knew the whole time that I wanted to break up with my boyfriend. Jared was not the entire reason (I started having these feeling before I met Jared), but he was definitely part of it. Nonetheless, I tried to keep our relationship going throughout the summer, but it was very rocky. I could see that it could not be saved.

During the summer, the only way talked to Jared was online via Facebook. It was maybe once a week we stayed up late and told each other how we were doing. I had the opportunity to go online almost every day, but I wanted to see how much I really missed being apart from Jared, so once a week was fine for me.

Anyways, the summer ended very quickly. I couldn't muster any courage to break up with my boyfriend because he clearly wanted to stay with me. I went back to college without breaking up with him, even though I knew that I should have.

When Jared and I saw each other again, it was wonderful. I forgotten how much I enjoyed being around him. I really did miss him over the summer. We started hanging out even more this semester. I see him every night, whether we are doing homework in the library into the late hours, or hanging out with friends during the weekend. We have a common group of friends, so I am basically with Jared all the time. I can call him my best friend, really.

The year started out great, but I began to realize that I really did have feelings for Jared; they were unmistakable. A couple weeks into the semester, I went home for a weekend and broke up with my boyfriend. I knew that I could not stay together with him any longer. When I went back to campus that weekend, single for the first time that I knew Jared, it was pretty confusing. I've never actually told Jared that we broke up; I feel like bringing up that topic between us would be awkward. He found out through other friends, but we've never talked about it. We just kept hanging out as we normally did.

I suppose I never really took into account Jared's feelings for me. I don't know whether he likes me or not; I know that he really enjoys my company. He's always sad when we don't have a weekend together, or if one of us can't make it to our nightly homework sessions. He started doing this thing where he sends we a text wishing me a good day every morning, which are really sweet. Our afternoon's are nearly planned together, since I see him every night; everything we do, we're always with each other.

Anyways, what gives me doubts about his actual feelings for me is that I know he has a lot of friends that I don't know; specifically friends that are girls. There's this one girl he is always with that is a friend of his. They get lunch together since they have break at the same time. I just get these feelings that Jared might have feelings for her or any of the other girls he knows. I'm not a jealous person so I never ask him about these other people, but it does bother me.

I guess another problem there is is that I also happen to have a lot of friends that are guys. Only a couple are on this campus, but I have many back home. Jared knows about them, but I generally keep them secret. He does have a tendency to look up these guys on my Facebook though and randomly bring them up, playfully; I can see that he notices all these guys that I am friends with.

Apart from all of that, I'm really into Jared. He just understands me and my personality. Occasionally, he says I look pretty or that I'm cute. We have many inside jokes with each other. He's jokingly asked me to marry him a couple times. All in all, he's my best friend.

That brings me to tonight where I was up late thinking about him, specifically because some things that people have said this weekend. A guy friend of mine apparently thought we were dating since we were always together. Also, this other friend of mine asked me we were dating, and I told her no. She wants to try and set me up with a guy she knows. I told her maybe we can all do a group thing, where Jared isn't there (he doesn't know this friend of mine trying to set me up). The whole idea just kind of gave my mind a jolt. It got me thinking about actually dating Jared. The idea seems so foreign, but not odd. I haven't seen him this weekend since he is out of town.

All in all, really, is I've just got him on my mind all the time and if we start to date anytime soon, it would make me pretty happy.

pauserewind pauserewind 18-21, F 1 Response Nov 11, 2012

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It sounds like you have a crush on your best friend.