Him Again

Last night I was hanging with Jared and another friend. She had to leave the room for a while and we were by ourselves just playing a game. I was telling him about a friend of mine that is having some girl problems.

He started saying he was having girl problems too and my heart sank a little bit. But then he was like, I've been trying for like a year. And then he started chuckling and playfully pushed me. He was talking about me, I just don't know if he was serious.

This other time we were watching a movie and he started mentioning something about dating, and he was like, I've never had a woman, just like our other friend who was in the room. This was part of a playful conversation/commentary. Then he turned to my friend and I and said, unlike these two who have men in their lives. Everyone else wasn't paying attention to him. I said, no, I don't, because that was after I broke up with my ex. Jared turned to me, and was like, what did you say? I repeated myself, and then he put his hand in my shoulder, and jokingly lifted his eyebrows at me.

I never really know with him, because he always jokes about us dating.

Also, I was really drunk the other day, and I was talking with a friend. I tend to just blurt thing out without thinking when I'm drunk, and I barely remember much of what was said. Anyways, I do remember her asking about my two best guy friends, Jared and a guy back home named Luke. She asked if I really had feelings for either, and I blurted out no for both of them. I don't think I was trying to deny anything, but I know that I like Jared more than any other guy in my life, but my mind blurted out that I didn't like him.

Lately, I've been kind of spacing myself from him for separate reasons, but I still get these feelings for him. Luke is a separate story, but I've known him for years, since high school.

Anyways, things have been a bit odd with me lately, but all I know is that Valentine's Day is coming up, and I don't know if I am excited or not. I mostlikely will not be around Jared that day, and he does not seem like the guy to do anything cheesy and cute on that day. Also, I'm scared I might not even be the target for him that day if any. Sigh.

That's all I have for right now, have a good day everyone!
pauserewind pauserewind
18-21, F
Jan 17, 2013