My Secret

I can't believe I found this site, it makes me feel so much better to know that I'm not alone. Well, I had been with my exboyfriend for almost 2 years, and we have a child together. Throughout the years I've learned everything about my exboyfriend, inside and out. And it really hurt me to realize that what had originally attracted me to him, was just a cheap rip off of his best friend's personality.

I would never have cheated on my boyfriend. And I know that his best friend and I will never be together. He is tall, dark, handsome, alluring, intelligent, an excellent cook, motivated...everything about him is just beautiful. When he smiles at me, no matter what, I'm instantly happy. Like the sun just came out. Even if it's just for a couple seconds. I can't help but shake when I'm too close to him. And it hurts when he confides in me about his loneliness. He's never had a real relationship no matter how hard he's tried. And I just can't understand why.

He has the shittiest luck with absolutely everything! And to add onto that, there's finally somebody who sees his qualities and loves him and would cherish him, but it's the same person he'd never be with.

I'm so frustrated. I've decided to distance myself from him, almost completely purging myself of him. I'm in desperate need of advice. I don't want to be the kind of person who goes after their ex boyfriends best friend. But at the same time I don't want to feel heart ache whenever I see him. I just want to forget about him. I just want him to hurry up and find a girlfriend already, so my mind won't wander. It's so difficult, especially since my child is involved and it's bad enough that my ex and I couldn't work things out.

How do I dig myself out of this?