Sigh...really?

I am just shy of 30 years old and felt I was a bit too old to get "school girl crushes", however, I was sadly mistaken. I headed back to college last year and took nothing but online courses because it helped with staying home with my 4 yr old daughter while my husband actually went to school also. My husband is older than me but we have always had a pretty decent relationship. My next semester, I was required to take math and taking that online when you suck at math is totally a no go.
So there I stood in the doorway to my math class staring at the instructor. I was totally struck with lust at first site and didn't even know why. The man that stood at the front of the classroom had to have been at least 20 years older than me, his hair grayed, making him look distinguished. He wasn't much of a looker but there was just something about him that made me want to know him more. Within the first few seconds of speaking to him I had already had numerous fantasies about him. He was a bit shy but with how out going I was it only drew me in closer to him.
Well I have never been good at math and I struggled with it greatly. My husband is pretty decent with it but when I ask for his help he becomes frustrated with how I don't understand and lashes out by telling me I belong in a lower math class because I am not catching on to the math I was in. My instructor was able to explain certain things that my husband couldn't and my knowledge of math was starting to flourish. Not to mention my crush on the instructor too. I would always wait behind after class to make small talk with my instructor and started to learn of the many things I had in common with him. Aside from gender, even our spouses sounded the same. So because of that my lustful crush was starting to get emotional weight behind it. Oh how lovely. Sigh. I find myself constantly thinking about him and wishing i was closer to him and i can't help but feel disgusted with myself for doing so. I feel so awesome around him and well, I don't know how he feels around me and to be honest I would rather not. I prefer to think in my head that I am just another student because I am hoping with time this crush fades away.
LostSoul83 LostSoul83
26-30, F
May 4, 2012