Maybe It's Not So Weird....

....but I could be wrong.

For two years now, I've had this crush on my instructor from massage school who is much older than I.  I am 26.  She will be 57 in December.  She looks pretty damn good for her age, but there was so much more than her looks that captured me.  When she first introduced herself to my class in February 2010, I, of course, was skeptic as I am of every person I come across.  But as time progressed, I began to like her.  It was not until around April that my bisexual tendencies started to kick in, for this woman had sex appeal that radiated, not in a trashy kind of way, but more "sassy yet classy."  There was a VERY confusing moment whereas I was not sure if it was a sign that she liked me or that she was just playing around.  We were working on the gluteal (buttocks) muscles on one particular day.  Another girl was my partner.  There I was, face down on the table, enduring the slight pain while she practiced the technique.  All of a sudden, I felt this other hand running up and down the back of my leg.  Immediately, I jerked my head up ready to kick whoever was touching me like that.  It wasn't my partner because both her thumbs were gliding along my gluteal muscles.  I looked into the mirror and saw my instructor behind me still playing with my leg.  I had to squeeze my thighs together to keep from getting aroused because the back of my legs are erogenous zones if touched a certain way.

A second incident was when she came extremely close to me, while I was practicing some abdominal techniques on a classmate, and whispered some constructive criticism very softly in my ear.  That sent a huge chill up my spine.  I never confronted her about either incident.  To this day, I am left wondering what would have happened had I said something.

But here is the kicker which is baffling me to no end.  Where I work now is just around the corner (literally walking distance) from where she works.  She is an extremely busy woman and I do not want to pester her, but I want to tell her that I liked her.  This isn't some silly little high school girl crush.  I mean, it's the kind where if certain circumstances weren't a factor, I'd shove her against a wall and ravish her, not caring where we were.  I guess you can say it is lust as I wish not to have some sort of intimate relationship with her because she is married.  I don't want her to leave her husband as I am not leaving my man.  I am not the "wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am" type though.  I know she has that freaky side to her as her body language in class sometimes displayed that.  I know she knows I have a very freaky side too as I showed up in class one day with bite marks on my back from my boyfriend and I having a very wild night.

Another confusing moment is when I blatantly said I liked women in front of the whole class and she said, "I like women, too."  I was very unsure as to how to take that in.  Did she really mean she was bi or what?  To this day, I am still confused and I really just want to get everything off my chest to her.  I am not expecting anything to happen as, most likely, nothing will happen, but it would be nice just to let her know.  I sent her an email letting her know that I was going through an emotional cleansing process (no lie) and I wanted to express something to her.  I forgot to include the part where what I wanted to say is two years old.  I sent that email about 2 months ago.  I know she read it.  I do not think I want to wait for a response anymore.  I think one of these days, I will just face her and say it.  No, I will not go into her place of business and do it as that is inappropriate, but I do want to get her to a casual setting (lunch or even the park that is across the street from her job) and put everything out in the open.  My boyfriend knows that I like her and he even gave me a "hall pass" (if any of you have seen the movie, Hall Pass, you'd know what I am talking about) on her.

So I am wondering how I can go about doing this face to face because I will not do this any other way.  No phone or email.  Basically, no devices of any kind that have the potential of record-keeping.  I am not giving up until I let it out.

By the way, I graduated in summer 2010.  The last time I saw her was November 2010.  I may work around the corner from her but our schedules are very different, so we never run into one another.  I only sped past her once as I was driving home.
CompletelyDifferent CompletelyDifferent
26-30, F
May 19, 2012