I Shouldn't...but I Do

There are so many reasons why i shouldn't have a crush on this guy, but i can't help it:

- He is 22 while i am 17
- He is like my sort-of manager
- I think he has a girlfriend
- He barely notices me

(to name a few) I never seem to fall for/develop crushes for people that i "should". They are always either older, out of my league or taken! Currently i have a crush on a guy at work. He is one of the second assistant manager people there and i have only been working there just over a month. I am 17 and he is about 21/22...so first of all there is the age gap. Then there is the fact he is like my manager (kind of) and i don't even know if you're allowed to have relationships at work? Or if it depends on the workplace :/ Then there is the fact that i don't know if he is single or not as i have only knoen him for a few weeks!

Since i have only known him a few weeks i don't actually know him very well, but i don't know how to get to know him better; we never have a break at the same time and i only work part time. I'm not even too sure why i have a crush on him if i'm honest.

I remember seeing him when i went in for my interview: while i was waiting on the manager to come out and interview me i saw him (the guy i have a crush on...lets call him Tom) standing talking to one of the guys that worked there - i didnt really think much at the time as he was standing in normal clothes - i just remember thinking "oh he's attractive then thought nothing else about him and had my interview. After the interview tge manager told me to come back for a second interview a couple days later and, since he wasn't going to be there, ask for "Tom". Of course me not knowing who "tom" was at this point didn't think much about it. So i went in a couple of days later and asked for "tom". I was told to sit down and he'd be out in a few minutes. Then he walked out! I felt so nervous - i didnt think he worked there, i had thought he was a customer or something. He walked over and was like "Hi, you must be -my name-". He sat and interviewed me and he was so sweet. He didn't have any sheets of paper with him as the systems were down, so he seemed quite embarrassed and said something about me thinking he must be really unorganised...it was adorable! While he was interviewing me i couldn't help but sit there and think about how hot he looked...but at the same time he isn't someone i would usually go for. Then after the interview he told me i got the job (though he wasn't supposed to) and said the usual "look forward to working with you,nice to meet you". 

Two weeks later i started and when i went in for my first day (there was me and two other people) i walked passed him and he said "Aw hi -my name-" i was suprised that he actually remembered my name! He didn't say anything to the ither two people...which made me feel pretty good which is really sad lol! Anyways, sorry about this long story, i thought i'd give a little bit of background information.

I just don't know what it is about this guy that makes me feel like this; every time i see him its worse and i seem to like him more. Anything he does tjough gives me butterflies: him saying hi to me - or really anything to me - or when he has to move past me and will like gently move past me by putting his hand on my back or something (not in a creepy way, we have quite a tight work space when its busy). I have never really had a chance to properly talk to him...we have had brief conversations...i am quite a shy person but i seem to be able to talk to everyone else at work apart from him; he just makes me so nervous. I had a good opportunity to speak to him last week when i was on my break. He came in with a couple of ither managers that work there. They all wanted to go over to the shop, and "tom" wanted to go out for a cigarette or something (don't really like that he smokes, but thays up to him so it doesnt really matter ehat i think lol). So they all left leaving me in the break room myself. Then about five minutes later i was geting ready to get back to work (i still had about another 10/15 mins of a break left, but since nobody elsehad been put.on a break at that point i didn't want to sit there myself) well i got up and put my phone away in my locker then went back to the table to collect my water and stuff and "tom" walked back in himself and sat at the table. But i didn't stay as i had already looked like i was leaving (he probably hadn't even noticed) and just walked out. As i was walking out i tripped over a chair...i always seem to make an idiot of myself infront of him! And thats the last time i've had a break the same time as him.

Again sorry fpr the long and very pointless story. It's just so frustrating that i get so nervous around him. I have never felt like this about someone before; i mean i have loads of crushes before, but never like this - it was like from the moment i saw him the day of my first interview i liked him...or i "felt" something anyway. I don't know what i should do. I want to be able to talk to him more but its hard to find the time..don't know what i'd say anyway. I know i don't have a chance with him, he is nice to me but he obviously doesn't feel the same way; i think he sees me as..not a child...but quite young, but i don't know. I'm not even sure if you can have realtionships with people at work, so maybe there is no point in even feeling like this! I need advice... I feel like some days he will notice me and be friendly and stuff and then other days he just barely even says anything..and i just think...it doesn't take much to say a simple "hello"!! On the days he barley says two words to me i will go home thinking "don't think i really like him as much as i thought i did" then i go into wprk a few days later and he'll say something to me - like even just asking for something - and i feel like i like him 10x more. I think deep down i know it's never going to happen, and sometimes i even think he knows..i must make it pretty obvious. I don't know how to start talking to him, or if he would even be interested in we did start speaking more..in fact i don't even know if i should boter trying...aaarrgggh why can't i have confidence??

Sorry for the long read...and sorry if i repeated myself in some places, i just needed to put this on EP to tell someone i guess :)
Kazafcb814 Kazafcb814
18-21, F
Dec 16, 2012