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Deranged

Let me start by asking,
will this ever end?
I developed a very unusual crush on someone whom I'd never really go for.
Sadly, I am forced to see that strikingly adorable face 3 days every week due to the unbearable fact that we are coworkers.

This man has a wife.
This man has a child.
This man had a way, a terribly awful way, of ignoring these two facts, and so did I(regretfully - for his case).

I was single.
He was not and after just a few months of flirting we simply could not stand the sexual tension, so we broke it.

It was just once that we slept together and soon after, to hide the fact, we stopped talking.

Consumed with regret for his family, I layed very, very low for months, for his sake.

But why, WHY do I still find this man so attractive? The sex didn't cure a thing and everytime we are around each other we can't stop the smiling, the nonchalant touching *on accident*.

I hate myself and this undying infatuation.
Vent over.
marlaaquinn marlaaquinn 18-21, F 1 Response Dec 30, 2012

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You titled this "deranged", but it isn't.
A married man should know his place, and he didn't. The responsibility was with him, he was the bound partner, he should have chosen his family over you. He didn't, that makes you more of a victim than a culprit.
One doesn't choose who he feels attracted to, it's chemistry and nothing more. If he had ignored your affection you would have been sad or heartbroken perhaps, but now you feel guilty too, and sad anyway because you can't have him.
You will grow out of it. I know you will, I have been through the same. Like all chemical reactions, it only lasts so long. Think of it as rehab.