Would Be Happy If You Read It

I always have a crush on somebody that i shouldn't. I mean it's like i was born to pick the wrong guys. Let me give you a few examples and maybe you should understand it better. I had a crush on a boy 6 years older than me when i was 15. Maybe i shouldn't say boy. And i frequently had crush on my best friends. (a boy and two girls) And boy was my best friend's crush so i never told him. I've never told the girls either! Yes i know, i'm a coward. And i once had a crush on my brother's best friend yet i was just a little girl plus it's acceptable at that age. :P I had a crush on a boy who wears a silver ring on his finger and i saw them kissing in front of me and what is more i still see them everyday. Now i have a crush on a womanizer. He **** everything that moves.

Suddenly it dawned on me that i actually don't want to be loved. I have low self-esteem that's why i always have a feeling that i don't deserve love. I pick those guys just to feel the pain and not to have any serious relationships. I'm glad that i've found the problem but i dont know how to fix myself.
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2 Responses Jan 14, 2013

Recognize that love isn't something you earn, and even if it were, people who deserve it far less than you have loved and been loved. I don't know you, but I'm certain you're better than you think you are, and you should know that.
I get that you're drawn to the pain, because I've been the same way for years, but as comforting and familiar as it is, it can be so much better than that. So just try to get your self-esteem up, because you're worth it and you deserve it. :)

Great to hear! :D

maybe you feel this way because you have never been loved before? once you find the right person you won't feel that way, once someone treats you with kindess and respect you will want to be loved. love is a beautiful thing and everyone should exerience it! also if you are looking too hard to find it, it never shows itself. and you don't need to "fix" yourself because nothing is wrong with you, you are just a tad bit confused. every kid in high school gets confused at times and life has a way of working itself out. In time everything will turn out great!