Can't Get Him Off My Mind

I'm married but I can't get this guy off my mind.  From the first time we met I've known he was attracted to me but also know he would never act on it.  It's been two years now and he's still on my mind.  We don't see each other often, but often enough and we just share a "look".

lovehonorcherish lovehonorcherish
31-35, F
5 Responses Nov 16, 2008

Hi... I know this is a late response. .. but we are human by nature..If checking out other men and women is ok. Then why is crushing or lusting not. I personally believe cheating is not if you are crushing on someone... thinking about them..talking to the person either... Cheating is when you start any physical actions... I'm married age 26... husband is a good provider, listener, lover, same age, communication is there, but I sometimes feel lost in our relationship. To crush on another person is normal it could be their physical, their smile, laughter, etc. or it could be that we need some to listen. It's not that you want to break up your marriage or his relationship its just that seeing that person breaks you out of your regular routine. They can make your day, even if you don't talk to them just by seeing them, makes you happy.
I personally haven't acted upon them, the thought is there I'm not going to lie ranging from stealing a kiss, writing a little note, the list goes on. But what stops some of us is our morals and respect for our spouse and family.. I also think life... is short and we only have one and do what our heart tells you... to act or not to act... to stay married or divorce...
Me it's my morals, parents got divorce when I was 21 yrs.. I'm not gonna lie it broke my heart. My mother was the one dating someone while married to my dad (I know my dad probably some dirty laundry too in his days)....but I feel if I act on my desire to make contact, how would I be any different from my mother...... Now I see both my parents my mom is happy and my dad still at awe , but is happy.. they are going on 5 yrs divorce.

hannah654321, good for you as long as you have limits for your relationship with that guy. I wish i could do the same as you did, I think what you did is wonderful. i thought about it several times , i always felt that just seeing him from time to time would be enough for me. but i was always afraid that it might make it more complicated. because if i wanna meet him even for 10 minutes, i wont be able to tell my husband, this way i would need to lie to my husband and tell him that i was somewhere else , and this is kind of cheating in a way..

Thank you soooo much for your comment. I am afraid that it can cross the line of cheating but I haven't lied about where I have been only left out that my friend showed up. ( and that hurts ) but I haven't cheated. We have discussed how the very first night that we met and talked that we could have easily jumped in with both feet but instead were level headed enough to know that we weren't looking for an affair. OK with that said it very hard to give it a name. We are good friends will always be good friends. Maybe I can ask you a question.....He says that he has me on a pedestal....I tell him that I don't want to be there and he says that I just don't understand how much I mean to him. He also told me that having sex would demeaning to me. Can you give me some idea of what he means???????

I had the same situation. I'm married, he's married. I hadn't seen him in years. I went to him and ask if we could talk. I told him that I wasn't trying to get out of a marriage and I wasn't trying to get him out of his but that I needed him and wondered what he thought. Well that's been a few months now. We talk every few days. I have seen him for 20 to 30 minutes at a time maybe 3 times and it is great! No sex but wonderful conversation. It is so awkward at times to know that he has a wife but is telling me that he loves me but what we have feels so right. He can't believe that I came to him and I can't believe that he was interested. I've never cheated and neither has he. We have both been married for a long time and have kids. It's complicated. We set very firm boundaries from the start. But are comfortable as long as we stay within them. I think of him all of the time and I know that it all may fade but while I have it (whatever it is) I am going to enjoy it!

I've had the same, Im married and had a crush on someone last year and haven't seen him ever since but i cannot stop thinking about him , everyday , every night.. i really don't know what to do. i posted questions online and got all kinds of answers u might think of. that is your marriage , your husband, you should not do this, cut off all contacts and stuff like that.<br />
the problem is not that i wanna ruin my marriage because i don't see him at all. the problem is that i cant stop thinking about him. you can stop doing something but u cannot stop thinking of something.<br />
I asked an expert and he told me that its normal. its more normal for something like this to happen to a married person than not. he said that you can talk to your best friend or to the person himself or to your husband if he is open minded. because keeping these feelings suppressed makes it harder. you have to reveal it some how. and the more you try to stop thinking the more you'll think. i chose to talk to my best friend. nothing changed. <br />
if you found a way tell me.

You are married!!!! Your commitment to your spouse is one million times more important than fulfilling some stupid minor crush. Can't get your mind off him? Stop seeing him. Ever. Avoid him at all costs! Divorce is way more pain than you would ever bargain for and you love your husband-remember the look in his eyes the day you walked down that isle. Remember the vows you swore. Are you going to throw away your love, dignity, and honor just because you have stupid hormones and sexual attraction to someone else? How could you ever be so cruel to your husband and throw away a perfectly fine marriage? You remain committed and you will have a lifelong partner till death do you part. You said 'for better or for worse' you chose him above all others INCLUDING this romantic tard who's threatening to ruin your marriage. Your husband loves and needs you-no marriage is perfect but stop taking it for granted and giving it up as a lost case. You swore your loyalty to him alone and now you have got to prove it. Otherwise I hope it haunts you for the rest of your life.