What Is Wrong With Me?
Well, to start off with, I'm married. Happily? Not really. I love my husband, but we've grown apart, and he seems to have no interest in fixing things. I really feel like he is just hanging around until the kids are older and then he will leave. We have our issues. I have issues.
Then there is this guy at work. I've worked with him for a year. I'm his supervisor more or less. He's really nice, and we get along great. Up until about six weeks ago, I've never thought about him as other than a co-worker and friend. I don't know what changed...well, maybe I do. Another woman at work started talking about him and trying to get with him, and I got jealous. Jealous! Like I have a right to be or something. And he comes to me and talks to me about her calling him all the time, and how possessive she is and how uncomfortable it makes him, and asks for advice. On one hand, as a friend I want to tell him one thing, but on the other, as the 'jealous one' I want to tell him to tell her to take a hike. That's not right. So I feel guilty about that too.
And the worst thing of all....I'm 39, he's 20. I know that isn't right for me to feel this way about someone who is only a handful of years older than my oldest kid. But I can't help it. I dream about him. We actually have a lot in common, from the things we like to read, music we listen to, TV shows we watch, political views, and he is going to college to be a nurse, which is what I am, so there's that, too. Most of the time, when I'm trying to be rational, I think he probably looks up to me as a 'mother figure', and that is why he likes to hang out with me. But other times, when he's around, and I'm not thinking so clear, I wonder why he comes up to my office on his days off of work to 'just hang out because I'm bored', or calls me just to talk, or is always hugging me or rubbing my shoulders 'because you look like you're having a bad day'. Is he just a really nice person? Am I just really lonely and reading too much into it? I look forward to seeing him at work so much, and sometimes feel like he is my only friend. I don't want to ruin that by getting weird...not that I would 'do' anything, I am married. But I just don't want to come across as a perv old lady. How do I get over this?