I have a crush on my best friend. Is it orthodox to be so close to someone and spend countless hours with them sharing everything between jokes and heartaches? I used to think so. I used to think I could bare the what would become the heavy burden of an affection that I had, and still have for my best friend. I used to think that blurring the lines of his affection for myself and his sexuality could warrant these feelings I had been hae boring for so long. I used to think that all those small compliments and off shore stares meant more than what the basically were. Yes I'm gay. Yes I thought I could control my emotions, urges, and attractions. Yes I thought the simple chemistry of two boys could evolve past that point of normality instead of festering in the dark growing mold. Yes I was wrong. There is no back story needed or small intonation of history leading up to this point. It's been a hard 3 years trying to differentiate between compliments, stares, positive energies, and more attention for their true meaning. It then hit harder than ever to the realization of his sure sexuality and final choice (yes there was a stage of curiosity). For some TLA Releasing–esque reason, I held onto that notion that one day he'll wake up and see. One day he'll notice me for who and what I am. After every relationship he trudged through I was there silently hating their existence solely for the fact that they had not only his emotional interest, but sexual as well. I tried to be the shoulder he rested one and tried to subtly gain his attention. I even tried out for a solo, got it, worked an extra 2 months perfecting it, then performed it on stage with the rest of the choir behind me as a duet with someone else JUST with the mere hope that he'd fall for me then. Thanks glee. It failed. I was heartbroken. He didn't even hear it. I didn't tell him because I wanted it to be a surprise, which was probably a flaw in my extensive and orchestrated on the mere notion that he'd casually stroll by behind stage and see with his ears. Sadly it's been over a year since then and nothing had progressed or digressed. I've tried so many methods to get over him, but that smile is so inviting and the laugh only RSVP's my future affection. Any further suggestions? I want to tell him just so I can get it out not expecting anything from him. Please comment below I just want outside advice. Thanks :)
supermike978 supermike978
18-21, M
Aug 19, 2014