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I Know This Is Bad

I met this sweet and beautiful girl at work recently.  I noticed that she had a wedding ring on, so I immediately backed off.  I believe it is wrong to mess with a married woman.  Come to find out, her husband beats her.  He is a psycho and has threatened her on many occasions.  Her self-esteem is shot because her husband has gotten inside her head.

She recently asked me for help.  Of course I am going to help someone in need, so I agreed to help her out.  She wants to divorce him, but is afraid of him sometimes.  My friends have warned me to be careful, and I am.

My main goal is to make sure she gets the help she needs.  Let me make that clear.  My major problems come in the fact that she has told me she is attracted to me.  She said she was attracted to me when she first noticed me at work.  I am afraid because I find her to be extremely attractive too.  I am worried that I could end up falling for her.  A month ago I could have never imagined that I would be in this situation.  I am scared, worried, and confused.

Please, please do not think I am a bad person for this.  I really had no intentions here. 

GuyWhite GuyWhite 26-30, M 8 Responses Oct 23, 2007

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Oh Bubba! This can only lead to the comfort so select that your number has already been affixed. You're on a path that will hopefully land you in the comfort so select that your "non-intentional, intentions", are as sinuous as the spring you are about have sprung ... best wishes, good choices.....

***UPDATE***<br />
<br />
After two and a half months this situation has finally ended. I had some time off of work and was really able to get my thoughts together. Long story short, I realized how serious all this was. She also wants to work things out with her husband, so there were no hard feelings. I was worried about how this would all end, but I am happy with the end result. I feel much better. Just another learning experience...

Your heart is in a good place.<br />
<br />
Do beware of the psycho husband. If he turns dangerous, make sure she gets a restraining order when she actually leaves him.<br />
<br />
Try to keep the feelings/involvement somewhat in check till the situation calms down a bit. And whereas I don't for a minute doubt that her feelings for you are authentic, please be aware that "rebound" relationships like this can be rather fickle and unpredictable. As long as you keep an open mind, I'm sure you'll be fine.

It is not a bad thing to respond to your feelings and for her to respond to hers, it is fine, but it depends on what is your goal concerning her. <br />
You dating her, can be <br />
either if you do it before the divorce her stepping stone for finally getting away from her husband (which is good), <br />
or, if you wait, a relationship that will have a better chance for the long term. <br />
She is vulnerable, and she might be entering a new relationship just to get the support, which is fine because that is what she needs. But, you can give her the support she needs without the relationship bit and build something much stronger. <br />
<br />
And be very very careful about the husband, if he is violent, he will be violent towards anyone who supports her and helps her out, friend or boyfriend.<br />
<br />
Thank you for your kind words by the way

Thanks for all of the great comments. I feel much better after the feedback. Today I got a chance to talk to her before I left work. I explained to her that I will do anything I can to help her. However, I did not want this to be any more than just me helping out until she gets the divorce. I figure whatever is meant to happen will happen. It is still hard to believe that I found myself in this situation in such a quick amount of time.

You are a good person. You are doing the right thing. Just focus on the divorce and keep your feelings to yourself, as hard as that is. You don't need trouble from the ex.<br />
<br />
Good luck too!

i know you have a good heart pal. just be careful, alright?

Your heart is in the right place. From what it sounds like, you are only doing the right thing.<br />
<br />
Whatever happens, happens, right?