I Have a Crush On Someone
He is someone from a MMORPG that I play. We've talked ingame as well as some emails. I've seen one picture of him and he is very attractive. Also, from what I know of him I really like so far. I know there are things that may not be perfect, but that's besides the point :) He also lives about 25 miles from me. My best friend, who also plays the same game is setting up a local "meet up" and asked if he would be interested. He said he would absolutely be.
She has told him it may end up being the three of us and he is fine with that. I'm pretty sure he has no interest in me that way, but I am hoping. I feel like I'm in high school again. It's crazy.
The problem (besides the fact that I don't think he would be interested in me) is that I am still technically married. My husband cheated with my best friend and now he seems to be losing his mind. We were supposed to be working on the relationship, but we haven't because I believe he is dangerously depressed. No matter how much I tell him I love him and believe in him, he is either distant or outright hostile to me. I don't know what the future holds for our marriage, and honestly I don' t know if I even want a future with him anymore.
I want to feel love again. I'm torn between waiting it out with him because I still love him very much, and seeing what will happen with someone else. While I wouldn't want to say no to this person I have a crush on, I'm also aware that this is just something that is making me excited for life again. I am putting on him the hopes and desires I have for my life and for a relationship. It's so confusing. I don't want to abandon my husband, but right now he isn't really acting like he wants me around. I just want to be able to focus on myself a bit.
But, complications aside, it feels so good to be thinking of something else besides this mess I've been trapped in for so many months. Whether it goes anywhere or just stays friendship, I will be fine. It is allowing me to think of something else.
I know I have to take all of this slow, especially because I can't decide what I want right now.
