I Wish I'd Said... I Like You, Too.This is a story about my first crush in the 8th grade. She was the "girl next door" type. She was brunette and short compared to other girls. I was a tall kid. This didn't matter much since her simple, carefree personality caught my eye. The both of us have already known of each other for a few years. We were never friends. I was comforted to understand that she knew I was a quiet and shy boy who gets good grades and was a talented artist.
We were both in the same language arts class. From the start, we sat next to each other. Sometimes, she'd try to get me to say hello or tell me how I did with schoolwork. On breaks, we'd play simple games like word puzzles. I felt so much at ease with her. I got the sense that she was trying to break my shyness barrier. Later on, seating arrangements changed, and we were separated. I always kept sight of her.
At the last half of the school year, we sat next to each other in state history class. I was so glad about it since this was a very, boring class to begin with. She was the only thing that made it worthwhile to go to school. I've developed the courage to regularly converse with her, even if it's just small talk. I was still so shy, but I knew she enjoyed my company.
There is one moment I will always treasure. We were watching a boring, 1980's educational video about the documenting and printing of the Declaration of Independence (I still remember the intro music). We sat on the extreme right of the TV, and I sat on her right-hand side. So when I looked at the TV screen, she would directly be within my view. She had her hair pulled back to a ponytail, which I believed she always looked best in. The room darkened and the video began to play. I put my right elbow on my desk to crutch my head against my hand. She put her head down on her desk and took a nap with her face right at me. Watching the TV screen, I couldn't help but look down at her face. I looked up and down many times. She looked so peaceful. I thought it was the most beautiful view in the world. I gazed at her throughout the whole video, until I nudged her when it ended. I fell in love and the feeling was unbelievable. But she never knew it, and I gave no indication of it.
One particular day, I've just left P.E. to head into class. She and a girlfriend were standing near the back. I walked near them. Out of nowhere, she said,"You know I like you, 'myname'". It felt like a sudden bomb blast. But literally for a few seconds afterward, I said, "yeah" in a high-toned voice with my hand up in approval; and then, I went fast to my desk and sat down. Right away, I knew how stupid of a response I made. I tried not to think about what she thought. I held my embarrassment in check, and kept my mouth shut until class ended. My own introversion held me back. I wish I'd said, "I like you, too."
I wondered if my life would change with just a simple sentence. I never had the nerve to tell her what is on my mind. I thought that maybe she liked me only as a friend. So I've resigned to that possible fact and kept my thoughts to myself. The friendship continued throughout the year. My feelings for her stayed silent.
My crush on her waned slowly once high school came around. We didn't connect except only a small conversation about how I got eye contacts. I never saw her regularly again. I've moved on.
I could wonder all day if I'd said this or that, but what's done is done. I'll still always remember my moments with her.
outsidewitness 31-35, M 4 Responses 6 Aug 1, 2010