Him .

I've always had a problem with guys. The last guy I dated was in 6th grade, (4 years ago) and that only lasted a week. I'm scared of it, and what guys think. I don't know what's wrong with me, I fell for this guy Jacob. He was so sweet, and I've known him for a long time. I never would have thought I'd like him. It was August 28 2009 the first day to school, my 6th grade year. I seen him, I just looked at him after coming back from moving away for 2 years. Just looked at him and I liked him, he knew I did a few days later when some girl yelled it at him, he rejected me. I told everybody I was over it. But I still crushed on him for another year. Seems ridiculous. I would go to Games, and call him, everything. Just to hear his voice. We got to be really good friends. But he still didn't know I liked him still. It was April, schools almost out. April 22, I believe may have been 23, Jaggar asked me out. I was so nervous I mean, surprised. I noticed him staring at me during lunch about 30 minutes before. I was thinking he was sweet and stuff. Then he ased me out, I thought I was gonna go mad, my friend Makaylah, who is still an amazing friend, shouted "Might as well only one you'll ever get" Now Makaylah(Who we call Loopy now) isn't very 'attractive' or 'sweet and nice' but she still goes through more guys then I look at. The weirdest and scariest girl in school does. I see 9 year olds with boyfriends and I'm still single. I find it frightening honestly. But I broke up with Jaggar a week later because he kept pressuring to kiss me, and I was always scared of kissing, I don't know why. I don't like Hugs now because I'm not a TouchyTouchy person. Then after Jaggar I talked to Jacob again, I fell all over again. I told him how I still liked him and he ignored me for a few weeks. I was a wreck.. So, it was Summer and 7th grade came, Jacob goes to HighSchool next year, he's a year older, I try to talk to him and pick on him ALL the time. But the previous November during 6th grade I got removed from my mothers and moved in about 10 minutes from the school so I didn't get to ride the 45 minute bus with him anymore. He would always sleep (x I was 13 now, young and a teenager, thought I should have a boyfriend. I asked Jacob out, he said 'Yes'. But guess he declined it when someone asked if we were dating.. I was torn. I told myself that he wasn't worth it. So after that year and a half.. Jacob moved. He now lives 15 hours away, he recently followed me on Twitter. So I know he knows me still... But then. . . . 7th grade, this guy Chris, he was so nice, I asked him out, he said Maybe, then... He moved. This other guy, Eric, I told him he was sweet and stuff. Then he turned out to be gay ._. Idk if I'm cursed or what. But last year in July, I was 14. I'm a freshman in HighSchool now. I walked in, and seen this guy. He was tall, blonde with a Cheeky smile. Ben. I nicknamed him BobWeather because he's fairly popular and people would find me weird because he's not super attractive. He has the features of the man from NotreDame?? But I just looked at him. I've liked him since. Now, If I even see him, I'll trip up or down the stairs at school, my heart will skip a beat, I always talked to Jacob . But I feel scared to even be close to Ben.. Something about him.. Idk.. He's also the principals Son. ._____. I'm really okay with the principal. He's cool, for a teacher. But near Ben, I miss a step, I skip a beat, I lose a breathe, I speed walk past him. I've talked to him, twice. Once he looked like -_- I was like, "Woah, calm down your to Excited". He ignored me, but I tried :[ The second I wrote a note and put it in his Locker. [: He open the locker, it fell out, he picked it up, looked around and read it. I wrote it the day after his birthday. Cause I didn't know what locker was his. I done forgot but yeah.. I just can't breathe around him. What do I do..?
ArtsyJayde ArtsyJayde
13-15, F
Jan 11, 2013