Once You Choose the Dark Side, Forever Will It Dominate Your Destiny

Like all people, I have a "shadow," and I have learned that the healthiest thing one can do is to integrate this darkness into one's self.  If you reject it and abhor it, then you only repress it, and it only gets stronger when it is not acknowledged.

As I have experienced life, and learned how to increase my capacity for tolerance and compassion, so too has my capacity for darkness grown as well.  This is natural, because balance is the rule of nature.  In order to become more compassionate, I must also cultivate the capacity for more selfishness.  In order to be more tolerant, I must also cultivate my ability for intolerance and hatred. 

This sounds scary, but it is not.  Because while we all have the capacity for both good and evil, it is our choice at every moment whether to engage in decent activities or engage in behaviors that will harm others.  I have long since come into the habit of choosing compassion over hatred, and peace of mind over anger.

However, this was not always so, and I remember the times in my life where I let anger and hate consume me.  I remember that in those moments, how much the darkness overwhelmed me, and how different a person I was.  There are moments now when I perceive the opposite-world of my current position, the consequences of a chosen dark path, and I shudder, for I see how much evil I am capable of.  I can see myself using my intelligence and cunning in ways only for myself, to accumulate power, to take advantage of others, to manipulate and destroy at my leisure.  All the traits I have cultivated -- my abilities to perceive and observe, my knack for knowing others, my mental training -- could easily be dedicated towards the accumulation of all that I consider repugnant.  In such a world, I could see myself becoming powerful in the affairs of men.

But that is not what I have chosen, and I will never choose to go down that road.  I know suffering, and I have had enough of it, and I don't want to inflict any suffering on others as well.  It is enough for me to get through life cultivating what I believe to be better traits and expanding my consciousness in positive directions.  While I will always acknowledge and respect my dark side, I will never choose it as a way of life.
Seraph1m Seraph1m
26-30, M
3 Responses Dec 26, 2007

You have found the true you. But your dark side will haunt you for the rest of your life. You can have peace knowing the truth you have discovered. The truth will not be open to you the problem is telling the truth as you see and believe it. The dark side of people do not want to see or hear it.

You are special. Extentialist

Thanks for posting. I go through many great 'highs' and 'lows'. I believe the 'highs' are a just an ego driven delusion to put up with my depression, angst, and bitterness towards my life. I've recently lost a well paying job, a loving girlfriend, and am educated - always treated others with respect - hiding my shadow. Part of me, as you've stated above wants to 'integrate' this part of me (my shadow) into my life as I've faced biting rejection and disapppointment in life. You have stated you have chosen 'compassion' over 'hatred' and 'peace' over 'anger'. I have struggled with this and have also went this route previously. If I in turn let my shadow out - could it be any worse than what I've experienced already? I believe I've turned cold - kind of you go your way - I'll go mine - the type of person that would now see a person stranded with a flat tire on the street and now i'd keep driving on by without a thought. The type of person that would reach their arm and hand out in a time in need of help and need.... and now I would walk away....and this was never me........my shadow telling me........start treating other's as you've been treated. I never wanted to feel this as I've always told myself 'Do not let other's moods or attitudes affect your own and keep doing what you know is right....' After 37 years of this.....I believe this has gotten quite old and I've received little to no reward other then 'peace' of telling myself ' you're a good person'.......

well said. and i needed to read this.