Every Light Casts A Shadow
People like to say I have a pleasant personality. It's a bit off beat, and maybe a bit eccentric at times, but often more than anything people find me to be a pleasant life loving individual with a smile always present on her face. No matter what I do find this to be true about myself. I have been (literally) through hell and back and I must say for me to still be the way I am, is a miracle. But although I have the patience that I may have; there still is quite a bit of damage inside. There are skeletons in the proverbial closet, so to speak. For a long period of my life I went through multiple types of abuse. From mental, physical, to emotional, and then even spiritual when I witnessed my Father unergo a 6 month long demonic possession. I have been through many trials and tribulations and during those hard times in my life, I took a turn for the worst. I was addicted to cigarettes at 13 years of age. I was an alcoholic by the time I was 16 and didn't stop drinking regularly until I turned 19. I was suicidal and cut myself on numerous occasions. I've snorted pills before just because I either wanted something to numb me or kill me. I have lost six close loved ones to horrible deaths, been cheated on, been taken for granted. Had thoughts of hurting others because I couldn't take it anymore, the list goes on. I have a deep rooted rage inside that now I curb and keep well under control. But I know that If I let go to it, I can be dangerous. Just as anyone, really. I have a lot of paranoias, I think too much (which is my friend and enemy), and I feel too much which sometimes drives me insane. I am a whirlwind of things wrapped up in a seemingly down to earth, well together individual. And although strong, I am fragile in a lot of other ways and if i'm not as careful as I am, it will only take one or two more falls to make me crack.