Disappointing N' Everything

It seems like all I am is my dark side. I honestly can't remember the last time I was happy about anything. I'm not talking about happy in the moment, or experiencing a rush of endorphins that lifts your mood. I'm talking about being truly happy. People constantly disappoint me so i've learned not to expect anything from them. Instead I expect to be disappointed, so when something slightly unconventional happens it is a small burst of fresh air. I'm always tired too. Not just physically tired, but emotionally and spiritually tired also. Sometimes it seems like this world was created just to be in pain. Something created just to die. Why? Agony, loneliness, pain, numbness, destitute, oblivious...