When You Are Broken, Perhaps You Need To Be Broken Again To HealI have been thinking. Before I met anyone, I was quite broken honestly. I was sooo cold. So distant. I was aware of who I was and I did feel much pain still. But often, I dident really feel anything. Someone told me something once that I think is quite true. "You feel so little cause you feel so much". Cause naturally, when you are overwhelmed with emotions you turn them off for survival sake. So some years ago I forced myself to open up for the first time, like face to face with someone. But also over chatting first with the same person. To be short, it dident go well really. To be short again I kinda got my heart broken again. And not to long ago, it happend yet again.
But still, all this. Has made me more human. I had become so inhuman cause of my past really. Locking away my own intense mind. And when you are stuck like that you truly explore many darker sides of yourself and life. Just another sign of how something "evil" or "negative" can have such a positive result. I dont know if there is something wrong with me, life or the world. To not be able to be saved through positive things. But it is in pain we find ourself. It is in pain our cages get shaken up until they break. So perhaps we are not creatures of love, but creatures of pain and suffering. We sure wallow in it. But like any being who feels pain and dosent want to be in pain. We all crave and want love in one way or the other.
But for me personaly. I have had too much crap within me, that I never had room for any love inside myself. And thats why I never experienced happiness until so much later in life. By opening up, I let the crap out and I let more love in. Even if my heart ends up being broken over and over. I will oddly enough just become more and more happy.
So to everyone who has ever caused me pain. I genuinly thank you. I would not be able to experience happiness without it. So again, Thank you :).