When You Are Broken, Perhaps You Need To Be Broken Again To Heal

I have been thinking. Before I met anyone, I was quite broken honestly. I was sooo cold. So distant. I was aware of who I was and I did feel much pain still. But often, I dident really feel anything. Someone told me something once that I think is quite true. "You feel so little cause you feel so much". Cause naturally, when you are overwhelmed with emotions you turn them off for survival sake. So some years ago I forced myself to open up for the first time, like face to face with someone. But also over chatting first with the same person. To be short, it dident go well really. To be short again I kinda got my heart broken again. And not to long ago, it happend yet again.

But still, all this. Has made me more human. I had become so inhuman cause of my past really. Locking away my own intense mind. And when you are stuck like that you truly explore many darker sides of yourself and life. Just another sign of how something "evil" or "negative" can have such a positive result. I dont know if there is something wrong with me, life or the world. To not be able to be saved through positive things. But it is in pain we find ourself. It is in pain our cages get shaken up until they break. So perhaps we are not creatures of love, but creatures of pain and suffering. We sure wallow in it. But like any being who feels pain and dosent want to be in pain. We all crave and want love in one way or the other.

But for me personaly. I have had too much crap within me, that I never had room for any love inside myself. And thats why I never experienced happiness until so much later in life. By opening up, I let the crap out and I let more love in. Even if my heart ends up being broken over and over. I will oddly enough just become more and more happy.

So to everyone who has ever caused me pain. I genuinly thank you. I would not be able to experience happiness without it. So again, Thank you :).
Wintersorrow Wintersorrow
26-30, M
9 Responses Dec 20, 2012

I've gotten to a stage in my life where i have prevented myself from letting people in because i for see that they will do something to wreck the tiny bit of happiness that eventually creeps into my life.... I get happy and then when its destroyed.... its a far worse a pain than the pain before...

Im trying to see it that when a person destroys me....i've not really lost anything its them... it's just so hard.... so hard when i take it too deep into my heart...

It is hard. People are cold but there is some really good ones out there. You just have to find the needles in the haystack.

I totally agree there. Just need to keep strong. Its so easy to want to give up sometimes.

Seems only natural, know started out that way quite early on really and had much the same experience, whenever you let anything in, or out even for me it just adds to the pain, pointless more pain really. People sure can be quite cruel and evil, thinking they arent and even feel good about it. Easy to lose hope, in humanity and life itself.

Feeling a lot of emotions for a lot of years can also make some feel nothing. I have had moments when I feel nothing at all and other times I feel a whole lot. I guess we can never know who we really are until we experience pain.

nice poem kind of heard music on the back ground lol.

hope i did not offend anyone by sounding like a hypocrite. I feel like that when don't let someone give me their happiness or love.

maybe you want to spread and give happiness it like you want to share something. despair may make us to do unthinkable things almost close to being desperate which you are far from it. what i mean about desperate it can show the worst and best of yourself. like RedSmile said survival mode.
feeling despair and letting it take over you may reveal what you have been trying to protect that keeps you full and alive. post updating this feeling can make you be the same way or force you to try and change the feeling of being broken. replace it with something

An awesome message. Thanks for sharing. (:

thanks yourself :)

Wow I'm in a dark space , even the thought of death lingers near but after reading this note even though I don't feel amazing but you have given me something to think about and a little bit of glimmer of hope thank you for this it come just in time to save my life

Yeah, those dark spaces can be nasty. Im glad it gives you hope :). Thinking about the future or the past can be overwhelming at times. Do everything you need to do to survive, live to see the next day :).

Thankyou for sharing your story. I think you make some good points about life :) All the best on your journey of life.

Thank you :). All the best yourself! :)

I believe you are right. Pain is purging, pain is what motivates and alters us, both for worse and for the better. I too am grateful for those who hurt me in the past, they have learned me so much.

Yeah you learn a lot that way. Sad that it happends, but in the end I think it makes us into better people. Knowing how to not be basicly.

True that, but it's sad when we actually have to be on Survival Mode: Forget sh*t and Move On rather than Open Up For A Cure or whatsoever alike to make ourselves stronger. By that I mean we have 'to be broken to be strong' rather than 'get healed to be strong' most of the time, since help is not always around the corner and we have to find our own way out in struggle. It's tiring sometimes. Anyway I think my mind goes off track again...Thanks for the great post, rated up :)

It is sad yes, seems like that is the way the world works tho. Much less focus on healing for sure, more focus on hate and destruction basicly. And yeah, helping in a bad way, unintentional, cause the world havent yet learned to do it the right way intentional. Thx for your comment :)

thanks very much for sharing.

thank you too :)