Sven

A year ago when i was at my lowest point i developed a feeling that grew inside me. a terrible darkness that told me to do unspeakable things to myself. self loathing and internalizing my pain were common, almost daily. the feeling would rise, wracking my mind with sickening madness. i would hurt myself daily. i'd slice my skin, beat at my bones. it was awful. sometimes i'd black out and not remember what i had done or where i had been. i had to give this feeling, this madness a name. it was the only way my mind could identify the issue. i called it Sven. i pulled him from my mind after several months of torture. it was a battle against myself. i came close to suicide more than once. Sven was always fumbling for control. threatening to cast me into the great well of insanity.
eventually i recovered and pulled locked him away by starting this self portrait
http://fc05.deviantart.net/fs71/i/2012/113/8/0/fractured_mind_by_jacktheripper999-d4xe6y7.jpg
It's titled Fractured Mind. that's exactly what i was. shattered. left alone with the sharp pieces of my broken mind with no one but Sven to whisper wickedly in my ear.
i never finished this self portrait. i never wanted to return to it in fear it would rouse Sven from his slumber. sometimes i can feel him crack an eye open when i teeter at the edge of falling back into old habits.
I dont know if i have DID (dissociative identity disorder) nor do i give a ****. i was able to rip him from my conscious mind and lock him away somewhere deep. but he will always be remembered as my dark side. my worst time. my lowest point. the voice that whispered tempting thoughts of self harm and suicide.
i'm stronger now, and i hope my healed mind will be able to withstand whatever else life throws at me. never again will Sven take control of my life like he once did.