18 Days And....

Still no Nicky!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I got him to answer the phone ONCE, on the 13th.  We talked for a total of 3 minutes.  He said he missed and loved me but that he thought he'd wind up going to prison, dealing with me.  I argued that I wasn't really the CAUSE of what happened on New Year's.  He agreed.  I said, "Why are you ignoring me, if you miss me?" His response was, "I don't know.  I guess I thought maybe you'd just go away."  I asked if I could come and see him.  Vehemently, he said no.  I replied, "Never??"  He insisted that he didn't mean "never" but, he REFUSES to answer my calls.

I'm a wreck.  Today is the first day since December 31 that I haven't called him...i just keep thinking I'll catch him in the mood to pick up the phone...so I keep trying.  But, I'm about to give up.  It's so hard for me to give up!

My son went back to college this past monday and i'm left TOTALLY alone day in and day out.  The only time my phone rings is when a bill collector calls.  I'm miserable but determined.  I'm going to use this time to make things better for myself!!!  One of the FIRST things I'll do is quit smoking....I still have to pick a quit date but, I'm GETTING THERE!!!

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
Jan 18, 2007