At Last, Some Mercy

January 25, 2007 

Wow.  I literally feel drunk. 

I called Nicky this morning….mornings are my favorite times with him, even though I’ve never been a morning person.  Most mornings, both of us are straight and clear-headed.  He’s usually up before dawn breaks…moving around, sitting at his desk, cooking breakfast, running the vacuum, washing dishes, putting a load of laundry in.  Morningtime is usually the only time he’ll talk to me on the phone, even though most of our conversations are rarely longer than fifteen minutes.  During the day and evening, he’s always so busy and, at nighttime, he’s usually pretty tired…or drunk.  I’ve missed him most in the morning, when everyone else in my world is still sleeping and it really feels like it’s just him and me.  So, I called him this morning, hoping we could have one of those moments.  He answered and we did.  Twenty minutes after we hung up, he called me back…  “Do you…ummm…do you…have a few minutes?” he stammered.  “Of course I do, why?”  I asked.  “Cuz… I want you to show me your ‘doggie style…’”  (This is another little joke-thing between us.  One time, we were sitting on his couch watching T.V., being playful during the commercials and stuff and he told me he loved me.  I got all cute and innocent and said, “You don’t love me….you just love my doggie-style….”  He cracked up laughing when I said it and, we both use the phrase often.)  I said something like, “Just a few minutes?  I might have a few hours.”  We danced around in our little courting-conversation and I knew he was having a real hard time so I finally said, “You don’t sound like you’ve made up your mind yet, Mister,” to which he replied, “Why don’t you make it up for me, then?”  Shooooot!!!  He doesn’t have to tell me twice!  “Okay,” I replied right away, “I’m coming over there.”  He just said, “Bye,” and hung up the phone. 

OH. MY. GOSH!!!  I was beside myself!  I’ve been stressing and obsessing over, waiting for this moment for so long, I didn’t know HOW to act, at first.  I just hung up the phone and kept doing what I was doing when he called.  After about fifteen minutes, it hit me, “Holy ****!  I’m going to see Nicky!!!”  I was so nervous and I knew he was too so, I knew I had to hurry before he changed his mind/lost his nerve and just left for work. 

After a few quick preparations, I bundled up and got on the road.  I giggled out loud, almost the whole way to his house!  We’ve had an extremely mild winter, so far.  We’ve barely had any snow!  On New Year’s Eve, it was 55 degrees!!  We’re used to near-zero-degree weather, this time of year.  It hasn’t been until the last week or so that we’ve started getting snow.  But, this morning, I actually had to turn around and come back home when I was trying to drive my daughter to school (she goes to a vocational school a good distance away…I have to travel on the highway to get her there.)  My windshield wipers are on their last leg and it was BLIZZARDING!!  (I don’t know why they didn’t call school off, they certainly have enough snow days left to use.)  Anyhow, it is SO “Nicky” to pick the WORST day of the season to decide he finally wants to see me!  True to form, he’s making me work my *** off!!  It just tickled the hell out of me.  As I got closer to his house, I smiled uncontrollably in subliminal anticipation.  I felt my little cheeks paste into a giant smile that I couldn’t get off my face.  He made me wait a while outside the door, like I knew he would.  I looked straight into his little surveillance camera but, I did it subtly, while casually leaning up against the door jam.  I wanted to project confident but non-threatening energy and I knew he would be checking my body language on the monitor (which is actually the television in his bedroom.) 

More giggling (out loud but to myself) ensued when he opened the door.  Stepping over the threshold and peering around the door he’d opened half-way, all I caught was a glimpse of him, as he vanished up the two steps into his kitchen and round the corner into his office.  Giggle, giggle….he’s like a phantom…a blue-green, only-wearing-a- bath-towel-blurr.  He was “Shhshhing” me from his desk.  He was on speaker phone, paying his credit card bills.  Giggle.  Most people would probably think he was such an *******.  Well, he is an *******, a little bit.  But, it was so evident to me why he had to be preoccupied with something when I got there.  He probably started the call when he heard my knock at the door.  He was nervous, like me.  It was a little awkward.  But, I just found my little corner at the kitchen counter and leaned back on it, just looking at him…looking at his beautiful skin….and his office!!!  (When I first started hanging out at his house, there was this note his friend had written on the wall that said “I bet this room still won’t be done in six months” and Nicky “tried” really hard to get that room done in time to prove his friend wrong.  It was supposed to be done months and months ago and the only real step he had taken by New Year’s was having a gas pipe installed for his new gas heater.  But, that office!!!!)  It is absolutely GORGEOUS!!  He installed beautiful new French doors to the outside deck; painted it a really, really beautiful dark rust color on the top half of the walls then put the same wall-board/paneling stuff on the bottom as what he has in his dining room but he stained it a beautiful dark color.  The window now has new molding and the door between the office and kitchen appears brand-new.  I noticed while I was standing there that it was different than the rest of his house.  In general, the colors and materials he chose were much warmer and welcoming, comforting than the rest of the house (cuz, over the years that he’s owned it, he’s managed to completely remodel it.  He does really nice work, too.)  I was sure to tell him how nice the room looked; to convey to him that I was impressed but was careful not to say too much or make too big a deal out of it, I don’t know why.  But, just now while sitting here writing this, the “feeling” came to me that that room is connected to me, somehow; that the work he did on it somehow became a testament to how he sees me, the love he feels for me.  While I was trying to describe the room just now, I realized that he had picked things that I would pick…colors and stuff that I would be attracted to…. I don’t know.  I felt the connection so strong for a moment, I broke down in tears.

 Periodically, since I’ve dropped those cd’s off to him, he’ll call me and just play the John Mayer song in the phone.  I’ll sing to it through the phone until he hangs his end up.  So, now I’ve got this big vision in my mind/heart that this is the way he’s been spending his time distracting himself while we haven’t seen or talked to each other…getting that office together.  For the past week, since he’s had my music, he’s been blasting it while he works on the room; feeling the music, dwelling on my essence…and, now me and my music have somehow been splashed all over that room.

 I wasn’t there very long before he was escorting me to his bedroom, de-clothing me, on the way.  It was SO cute:  I still had my coat on, and, when we got in his room, he tried to hang it over the oscillating fan at the foot of his bed but the coat was too heavy and it weighted the fan-part down so low that it kept bumping into the on/off switch & turning the fan on.  It was funny cuz he was trying to be all mannish and then he had to stop undressing me to keep screwing with the fan and my coat until, finally he decided to hang it over the top of his bedroom door.  (Why he didn’t just throw it on the floor is beyond me but I just sat on the edge of the bed and quietly watched him.)  He went back to undressing me when he was finished with the coat.  By now, my jeans were half-way down my legs and he tugged at my sweatshirt.  I offered my help, “Do you want all of my clothes off?”  “Yeah.  Take ‘em all off,” he said as he left me to my duty and walked out of the room.  I thought he may have been taking a moment to compose himself or something and I just laid my beautiful nude body across his bed, on top of the comforter in grateful anticipation.  To my surprise, a few moments later, I heard John Mayer’s beautiful music floating into the bedroom from the living room stereo…he was gonna make love to me to the music I gave him!!  I have to admit:  now laying in his bed (with him) listening to the song (THE song) together while we “communicated” to each other how MUCH we’d been missing each other and how HAPPY we were to see each other again was just a little overwhelming.  And, by the way, he about knocked my back out!  Whew!  I couldn’t move for a while when we were done and was WAY out of breath.  I actually felt drugged…was trembling, couldn’t walk straight with my knocky-knees….lost my balance, couldn’t think straight, had a TERRIBLY dry mouth and throat.  Suffice it to say….that was some good stuff!!!  He crawled out of bed relatively quickly.  He always makes so much noise when he comes.  Not long before the fateful New Year’s, he said to me, “God.  When you make me come, it feels like my insides are being pulled out of me.”  And, in his man-mind, he feels like he has to be all strong in the face of such good lovin….like, he’s light-weight defensive about me getting his “nose wide-open.”  Anyway, I laid face-down in the position he’d left me in…all sprawled out, with my hair fanned out to completely cover my face….  But, through the strands, I watched him stand naked at the sink to wash himself off and I saw him sneak some glances my way…probably patting himself on the back for stickin me so good that I couldn’t even move.  I also couldn’t help but to notice, while his back faced me, the TERRIBLE scar on his back.  It was 3 or 4 DARK scratch scars…from my nails.  I know this because, while we were tumbling about my living room on New Year’s, one of my friends was actually snapping pictures of the whole brawl!  I only looked at the pictures in her camera before she left to go back home (she was visiting from the other side of the country) but, I remember seeing a picture with blood marks on Nicky’s back…exactly where the scar is now.  I didn’t say anything about it.  Maybe part of why he was waiting to see me is because he was waiting for it to heal…I don’t know.  But, it’s not the first scar I’ve left on his body.  I bit a huge hunk out of his shoulder once (the time we were wrestling and my cap fell out.)

 It was funny cuz, on the phone, I was joking about how my coochie was probably broken, since it hadn’t been used in so long.  After we had sex this morning & were both still naked, Nicky said, “Oh.  And.  For the record?  There ain’t nothing wrong with your stuff.  It still works as good as ever.  It’s a little twisted up right now but, it’s nothing we can’t straighten right out.”  Lmao.  I asked if he found my new slippers from Christmas anywhere.  He showed me half a pair of shoes and was wondering if I’d found the missing half at my house.  “Oh.  And, thank you for the music.  I really like it a lot.”

 I was in a bit of a rush to get out of there.  He was still getting dressed for work when I walked out the door.  But, I didn’t leave without embracing him one last time.  And, his last words to me were, “See you soon.”  I didn’t even turn around to look at his sparkly eyes or smile one last time before I closed the door behind me.

 Damn, Nicky!

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
Jan 25, 2007